Rants.

17.4.23

Wow. It's been a while since I've last been here, even talked to people who were such a big part of my life. Two years back you'd tell me that there will come a day when I wouldn't even be sure if they remember me id laugh in your face cause what bullshit!!! How do you forget people who you talk to daily? You know learned something huge. When my seniors or anybody older would talk about their 'times', about how they were so close to their friends, and their circle and then suddenly got so busy with work that they eventually lost all connections. I just always thought that that'd never happen to me. Nahh. I know how to maintain my relationships, and I'll ace adulting. Yk what's funny is I wasn't even an 'adult' until a month or two ago. But I did. I lost my connections. I lost my safe space. It feels weird to even say this you know like what do I expect that everybody would just miraculously come together again? That everything would go back to normal? Nope. They most probably won't. I don't even think that half the people that I was so close to are even gonna read this. Like it's weird you know if I were to imagine myself in your position what would I do? Such close times and then whoosh, radio silence for 2 whole years, no way to even know if I was alive, to begin with. How would I react to a friend doing that? And more so, how would I react to their return? Would I still have space in my life to even give them this small leeway? How do I even explain my absence? I am not the only one who grew up and had issues growing up. Each of us went through problems after the lockdown, so why am I one of those few who completely lost the track of life? Frankly, I don't know. I genuinely genuinely don't. For me, it went with a flash. But I know it wasn't, there was no way it was fast. Every second of it felt like a lifetime. Like I remember every single thing but at the same time, I don't remember shit. Do you want me to be very honest? I don't remember my time here. At least clearly. To me, my time on Wattpad was like a happy dream, I had more friends online than irl but again each of us went through that. It was a safe space. I had people I could talk to, fangirl with, and understand them. But then life did hit, hard at that, and I somewhere or the other started losing what was my space, my safe space. It's weird coming back here again. It wasn't the app that made it safe for me but the people but then I don't have them anymore. And I know you all are nice enough to accept me back, y'all have a heart of gold but how do I even approach it? How the hell do I explain my absence? What words do I use to apologize? How the hell does that work? Regardless of me being here or not, being in contact with y'all or not. I really hope you all are happy yk. Cause y'all genuinely deserved it. You deserved all the happiness in the world. You guys were the ones who gave this 15/16 year old a safe space, a space that accepted her, that was kind to her. And this 18 year is indebted to you for that. Thank you guys, y'all will always be an integral part of me. Always. Yk how people always warn you against getting in contact with people who you've never met because you can't trust them, you don't know, for all you know they can be bad people, definitely. And there are bad people. But you guys were my ray of sunshine, the light at the end of my dark tunnel. And once again thank you for that. I had a great time here only because of you all.

I love you,
urvashi💗