letter from my heart.

𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙸𝙰 𝙿𝚃 𝟷

please excuse any bad spelling - durkia😘

•𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙸𝙰 𝚁𝙾𝚈𝙰𝙻𝙴
11:𝟸𝟹 𝙰𝙼
sleeping./ dreaming
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I woke up to feeling a wet substance  between my legs I thought I was having a wet dream but I wasn't dreaming about anything.
but I opened my eyes and my supposed to be step dad eating me out I start to move around trying to get him off of me  but then he rammed himself into me

"DERRICK STOP" 12 year old me kicked and cried
"stop moving bitch!" He held me tight with frustration.
I started to move and punch her off of me but I was 10x smaller and weaker than him
I gave him the hardest slap cross the face , then his face changed and I realized I messed up I felt I hard sting and I blacked out.
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I woke up out of my flashback from 9 years ago.
ever since he did that it never stopped it until I finally turned 16 and got anyway from him
after that I barely let men touch me.

"shoots" i said fanning myself since I because was drenched in sweat. From my flashback I got out the bed that me in my boyfriend lamarion was sleeping in.I love him to death even though he treated me so wrong tho.

he slept with other females Infront of me he literally snuck 3 girls in my bed while I was sleeping in it. even though he abuses me and shit I cut him off know he doesn't mean it he apologizes all the & I accept like a dummy , but I just really love him that's all young and in-love.

time to time he buys me stuff for me to forgive him. but I mean he's my first kiss, my first boyfriend my first love.
but sometimes it also get tiring.

I got up from the bed slipping on my house shoes and taking the robe that was hanging on a hook on my door. I walk to the bathroom and stared in the mirror let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding in which lifted less weight off my

shoulders. I felt guilt and disgusted with myself that I let myself go. I never go out to parties or kick it or drink I just sit at home & work .
I didn't have money like that, I wasn't broke either though.
I had a great job at a beauty salon I do receptions. I thought about opening a makeup business but I don't have enough money right now.

I looked in the mirror and I saw someone behind me it was lamarion. I turned the water on and grabbed my toothbrush "goodmorning mamas"
"Goodmorning my love" I tell him as he plant kisses ass around my face and he swung me back and forth from behind

I started brushing my teeth as he laid his head on top on mines giving me morning attention that I love. until his phone went off he pulled it out and checked his messages. and started texting someone he walked off getting on the phone

with somebody. I tried to listen to his conversation but still acting like I was getting ready.

"yeah, hollon gimme like shidd 30 minutes den im onna way ."

"Ite bet ima see you in a min"

he came back in the bathroom while I was washing my face and he started is routine aswell.

walking out to the bedroom going to to the bedroom finding something to wear , I pulled out a basic white tee and blue jeans that hugged my waist with a cute lil sweater.

i sat it on my bed and went to go start my shower
"Bae do you want breakfast?" I ask
"na, ion really got time I gotta go pick up li mike" he said pulling his shirt down and fixing it.
"oh okay" I don't know none of his friends named li mike.. I thought shoot might aswell mind the business that pays me, before I be throwing up & crying.
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I just got to work unbuckling my seatbelt and grabbing my purse that was sitting in the passenger seat I hop out the car locking the door to my white 2014 bmw suv