The Leafs lost in over time yesterday to the Golden Nights, and my dad has been working them extra hard at practice today. They haven't had a water break in an hour, and I can tell they are all exhausted.
"Dad," Instead of sitting in the stands, I find my dad near the bench. "I don't want to overstep my boundaries here, but you're working them really hard."
"You are overstepping your boundaries, Elizabeth. I know what I'm doing. Maybe if Matthews' didn't throw that Halloween party, they would've won last night." My father says.
"But dad, they are exhausted. They played last night and you have them up early for practice. They haven't had a water break in an hour." I explain.
"They know how to drink and skate." He says.
"Dad. What if I was on the ice for three hours without a break constantly skating?" I ask.
"You're not a guy." He says.
"Excuse me?" I scoff. "All I'm saying is, three hours is a long time and you can practice tomorrow."
"I'm the coach, I make the rules." He says.
"So are we having dinner tonight?" I ask. We were supposed to have family dinner a couple of days ago, but he had a meeting.
"I have a meeting." I don't know why I expected a different answer from him. I love hockey, and I know it takes a lot of time from him, and I'm okay with that.
It's just, sometimes, I wish he could take a break for his family, you know? He's always around but never involved.
"Can't you skip this one? We haven't had a family dinner in a really long time." I ask.
"This is more important. I need to get the team ready for the next game." He says.
"This is more important than your family?" I ask. I don't let him say anything else, I walk away.
I'm so tired of this with him, I'm tired of being tired about this. He never makes time for me anymore. I sit down on a bench, it's a closed off spot near the locker rooms.
As I think about memories with my dad, which there aren't many, tears start to fall. When I was younger, when he wasn't even a coach yet, he would take me to the lake near our house that always froze in the winter time.
We would skate together, and eventually he bought me a stick and other hockey gear. We didn't have a goalie, so points per game were higher than they should be.
We haven't played hockey together in so long, we haven't hung out in so long either. It's like I don't even exist to him, I'm just an annoying burden to him.
He probably cares more about the team than he does about me. He puts so much work and effort into that team, but I don't remember the last time he told me he loves me.
He's told the team he's proud of them more times than I can count and definitely more times than he's told me that.
"Lizzy? What's wrong?" It's Mitch. It's been over a week since the party and we haven't hung out since then, but we have texted a good amount.
I wipe my face quickly before saying, "Nothing, I'm fine." It's definitely not a believable answer, but I hope he drops it anyway.
"It's not nothing." He says. He kneels down in front of me. He's still in most of his hockey gear. A few strands of hair are out of place because of his helmet.
"I don't really wanna talk about it." The chances of him understanding are low.
"Is it your dad?" He asks. I knew he wouldn't drop it, even if I don't want to talk about it.
"You wouldn't understand." I say. His parents are happily married, and his brother Chris who is four years older than him is one of his best friends. I on the other hand, don't have any siblings and my parents are hardly married.
"Then help me understand." He says. "Trust me, letting it out feels better."
"My dad spends all his time here and with the team, I hardly can do stuff with him anymore. He's always too busy to have dinner with me because of meetings. And this hockey team means more to him than I do." I take a breath before continuing.
"I'm not asking him to not coach anymore, I simply just want to spend time with him, you know? It doesn't even have to be every day, just one a week we have dinner together. He's making it seem like it's the hardest thing to do. What does he do at these meetings anyway? He has one like every day. How does he have so much to talk about?" Mitch was right, letting it out does feel better.
"Feel better?" He asks. I nod. "He loves you, everyone knows he does. This time of year is really busy for him but he'll come around."
"Thanks, Mitch."
LATER THAT DAY 📍LIZZY'S HOUSE
Once I got home, I grabbed my current read which is One of Us is Lying. It's a good book so far, but I watched the tv series first so I know what happens in the end.
I did see on Instagram that the book ends sort of differently, it's the same plot but the way things play out are a bit different.
I'm about 63% done with it, and if I keep reading, I'll definitely finish it today. This is the last book I have and I'm not a re-reader, so sometime this week a Barnes & Noble trip will be needed.
The sun already set, but I did plan on going for a little walk today. I grab my headphones, my phone, and pepper spray. Toronto is really pretty at night, and I live right outside of where the city really is.
As my playlist plays, I walk around the city. I stop at the cupcake vending machine and buy one. It was too difficult to chose a flavor, but I settled on red velvet.
I take the box that contains the cupcake and start my walk back home. I take a quick picture of the city to post when I get home.
@lizzy.keefe posted on Instagram
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@lizzy.keefe: city of stars, are you shining just for me? ⭐️🌃🪩
avazegras: come visit me challenge ^lizzy.keefe: i miss you 🫶
jamiedrysdale: I'm waiting for the day your caption isn't a song lyric ^lizzy.keefe: impossible
user3: she's so pretty ^user9: you can't even see her face in this bro
