REESE

chapter forty eight.

"Do you want Pria to come help?" His voice was gentle. He was talking to me as if I was made out of glass and therefore prone to break at the slightest indiscretion. "It'll be easier if you let her help, Ree." Pausing, his tone somehow managed to turn even softer. "It'll be easier if you let us help you."

The hidden plea behind his words was clear. Come on. Give a little. Talk to us. Let us in. Let me in.

I was shutting him out. He knew it, I knew, everyone goddamn knew it because it had become my new normal with everybody. It was like they all expected something from me and I didn't know how to give it to them. I wasn't normal, I didn't know how to go back to the normal they so desperately craved from me. Not when every time I closed my eyes I was back in those tunnels.

Trauma was the devil and right now I was buried deep in the pits of hell.

"I'm fine, dad." I repeated quietly for the umpteenth time.

It was silent at first, then a small "okay" came through as a response. The hurt of my dismissal was evident in my dad's voice and when a quiet, "I'll just be out here," came next, I knew he was fighting the urge to smother me with questions.

Reassurances were somewhat of a love language for my dad. Whenever a problem would arise I would go running to him and somehow he would make it all better with his calming words and reassurances. But this time I didn't know how to present the problem. What the hell was I going to tell him?

Hey dad, there's something really wrong with me. Everywhere I look I see blood. Sometimes when I close my eyes I'm back in those tunnels watching our soldiers lose their limbs right in front of me. They cut their arms and legs off dad. They did it right in front of me and I was scared that they were going to do it to me and Carver. I'm still scared dad. I'm terrified. I keep seeing people die and I can't stop seeing blood.

I couldn't tell him. If he knew what happened in those tunnels, the guilt alone would bury him. My fear, my nightmares, my depression, I needed to keep everything to myself. Just because I was falling apart didn't mean I needed to drag everyone down with me.

Sighing, I dragged in several deep breaths before I even attempted to get up. Using the edge of the bathtub, I slowly heaved myself up off of the floor. The movement pulled at my stitches but by now I was used to the pain. Limping to the sink, I ripped off the plastic I had put on my cast so that it wouldn't get wet and then slowly started to dry off.

I had to take a five minute break before I grappled with the task of putting on my sweatpants and t-shirt. By the time I had finally managed to pull both on, I was panting from the exertion.

"Reese?"

Giving up trying anything else, I left my hair wet and took a quick glance at the mirror before I left the bathroom. The yellow bruises, blue stitches and white plaster was all I needed to see before I was done looking. Abandoning my crutches, I limped to the door and pulled it open.

Immediately, I was met with a chorus of curses. My dad, Pria, Nico, Alex, Ana, Gavino, Max, and Rocco all took in my damp, exhausted form with frowns on their faces.

"Where are your crutches?!" Max was the first to rush towards me and sling my good arm over his shoulders so that he could help me to the bed. I slumped against him, grateful for the weight off my leg. "And where's your sling for your shoulder?"

"Bathroom." I groaned as he lowered me onto the bed.

"You will keep your sling on, Ree." My dad cut in, placing the arm sling on my lap as soon as I got situated. "And you'll use your crutches."

He looked at me pointedly, fully expecting me to flat out refuse or begin to argue with him. His eyes sparkled, almost as if he was waiting for the inevitable fight I always brought. No, not waiting for it, looking forward to it.