Meddle About, Jamie Tartt

003. I'd be lost without him

VIVIAN CAMERON. 

13th February 2022, A Hotel - Somewhere in Paris!

There I was surrounded by three people who knew about my feelings towards Jamie. Two people I work for and my mum. How I love those three women with all my heart but Jamie held my heart more. Every inch of my heart ached for him, yearned for him in my soul. The day I met him, I think it changed my life, something inside me clicked, it's as if my life was finally coming together. My own thoughts totally and utterly consumed by Jamie fuckin' Tartt - but what was I supposed to do? Not fall for him? 

Impossible, he sauntered onto the pitch and I saw him. Of course I knew who he was, everyone knows who Jamie Tartt is. Even your great-nan knows who Jamie Tartt is.

Yet here I was, crying over Jamie on my hotel room floor in Paris the night before Valentine's Day. In Paris! The Night before valentine's! It's at times like this when I wish my dad would give me the talk on boys. But he made me afraid of even looking in the direction of a boy. 

"Babes, Jamie adores you and everyone can see that he's in love with you", Keeley soothed.

"Via, Darling. That boy is absolutely crazy about you and you're hurting yourself over him", my mother chimed in. She was the best person I knew, as well as Keeley and Rebecca, of course. I love them all dearly

I take in my reflection which is looking back at me in the mirror and muse. I envision and wonder what Jamie could see in me that would make him  crazy in love with me. Was it my eyes? My hair? My smile?

God. I wish I knew because I wouldn't understand. Maybe I'm over thinking it, or I'm stuck in my own head again. 

But the thing is, I suppose, me falling for Jamie is that I can tell myself that he's not in love with me so I can get over my stupid fucking crush on him. If I told him that I had crush on him, it could go one of two ways.

The first being that I tell him and he doesn't take it well, him then ignoring me and I quit my job at Richmond and move to Hawaii or somewhere, going off the grid so no one can ever find me again. Would be a nice a peaceful life, just not having to care about anything important.

The second being that he likes me back. We start dating and then fall madly in love, becoming absolutely crazy for each other. Get married and have ten dogs, of whom would be considered our children (Cause fuck them kids)

Part of me wants it to be the latter but the other part of me knows that he'll not like me back. And that's ok! I'm okay with that.

I have nothing left to lose anyway, what's a little more I guess?

At least then I could listen to all my favourite Taylor Swift breakup songs and enter my reputation era. Now that would be interesting, I'd fucking rock the reputation era either way.

But Jamie Tartt makes me twirl my hair and kick my feet. Whenever I see a notification with his name on it, I smile hopelessly. One day wishing that I could call him mine and he could call me his. I wanna be his favourite girl, when he wakes up I want to be the first thing he thinks about. 

I think, if it wasn't for him - my life would still be a mess. He took my hand and lead me out of the dark place I was in. He showed me the light and the good of this world. He made me better and in turn, I helped him become less of a prick.

Without Jamie Tartt, I'd still be stuck. I'd be lost without him 

authors note🎐🧚🏻‍♀️🪩🫶🏻🎧

oh hi 🌷 

vivi being rep and speak now girlie is so hench of her.

my exams are over now!!! big w! ive been off for nearly two weeks now and i'm just getting round to writing again. 

please bare with, doing lots of stuff for college atm x

love u,

val xoxo