Grey 2025

This is a time where I really reached rock bottom . When they ask about me don't tell them all the hugs , the laughs , the kisses we shared because I was never there.
My soul is trapped and no one can save it .
All these people around me and I still drown myself in emptiness .
Here I am staring straight at death while I watch creep towards me everyday , and i can't stop it because I am exhausted and there ain't no love that can wake me up from this hypnosis. Despite spending 5 years healing i find myself lost in the wind .
My heart is pounding but I can barely feel it . I look through all the messages in my phone and I feel nothing , even to the ones who says they love me and those texts make me wonder "why ?" ... I can't find the answer but I know the messages are great but they came in the wrong time and from the wrong people , so I'll break myself to pieces so can everyone have a piece of me . Here I am , answering myself "why ?" Despite the void in my heart I still give people what they want in exchange for nothing but pain or disturbance , till the point where I loose myself over and over again , and hurting those people that i don't want to hurt but the cycle continues .
These are the times where I search for something to comfort me , like dreaming about the innocent old days , where my biggest issue was my playing time outside , or watching the waves of the sea crash into the shore on a windy day . And that's something people don't see in me , i am the sea and I am the swimmer who takes his chances with the big waves even if it kills him , but you ... You're just a bystander , you look out there and admire the beauty of the sea but you will never know the madness and the secrets of it , why ? Because you're as human as it gets . Maybe one day I'll find my peace , maybe one day you will be mesmerized by the calm sea but I'm sure you will never know the madness and the secrets that i took to be this gentle .