my online lover

vulnerability

«Nothing, Tonio. You're sticking your nose in as usual.»

A shop assistant passes close to me so I call her to avoid Antonio and to ask for help. «Hi,» I start with my less Italian accent. «I was wondering if you can help me pick a book. It's a Christmas gift but I rarely read crime.»

The young girl in front of me smiles and nods. «Sure! Do you know some of the books the person has read?»

I remember that time me and Marina came here to buy a book and my mind works hard to recall which book she bought. La ragazza nella nebbia. I remember that because I suggested her.

I tell to the saleswoman the name of the book and it seems like she enlightens herself. «I may have the right book in my mind.» She moves towards the shelves, searches for the book and picks it up after some seconds.

When she handles it to me, I read the cover: More Than You'll Ever Know by Katie Gutierrez.

«It's about Lore Rivera, married to a man whose business falls prey to a recession. She tries to make him feel better but she is suppressed by that. Meanwhile, she meets a new man in Mexico and suddenly she has two husbands. Later, one of them will find out about the other and kill him.

Forty years later, a true crime journalist becomes obsessed with the case and gets Lore to finally agree to an interview barring all.»

I listen carefully to the plot and when she is finished, I know this is the book I will buy for Marina and someday for me too. It seems so interesting and suddenly I want to know which husbands die and how. I thank the girl and let her go away while I feel Antonio's eyes still on me.

He was waiting patiently for me to finish with the assistant before kept asking but I keep silent. I don't want to talk about that loud, plus it is nothing big. We didn't kiss or anything else. It was just Kevin messing with me and my body not having it at all. I know that if I tell Antonio, he would make the thing bigger than it is.

«Okay, keep your thirsty secret with you. One day you'll tell me everything.» He gives up and I blow out my frustration.

I walk to the checkout and pay for the book and a gift card next to it. I ask for a gift package and they do it cutely, with a bow on the top and a quote: reading is another way to find new places.

«Do you need something else?» I ask Antonio. I don't know if I want to go now to buy something for Ludovico and Brody. I check the time and it's barely 4 pm. It's early but we've walked for a lot. I would like to sit for a bit and eat something sweet.

My friend shakes his head. «I need something for my cousin but right now I want to drink something so maybe we can have a break and then keep going?»

I smile at him. «That's exactly what I was thinking, my love.»

«Ew, take that back you lazy ass.»

I roll my eyes and push him with my shoulder while we start walking again. «I was trying to be nice for once but I get it. You prefer the bitter Enede who calls you Tonio and is rude to you.»

«Yes, that's exactly what I want. Be rash with me please,» he says with a groan and a disgusted sound comes out my mouth.

«Now take that back, you creepy.»

We both laugh and stop at one of the bars that overlook the centre. It is close to one Kevin and I went twice. We sit outside, under one of the stoves and it feels so warm even if the weather is super cold. I put all my shipping bags on the free chair between me and Antonio and then I take the menu. My best friend does the same and we stay silent for a while, checking what we want to drink or eat.