Return of Sebastian Sallow | 10 Yr After Hogwarts

Chapter 48: Unspeakable Things

She looks down and begins fiddling with her sleeve. "I'll be seeing him in a few days," she says simply. "Ominis."

"Oh," I try to gulp down the bubbling shame. "I'd been wondering if you're still close."

She doesn't meet my eyes but explains, "not like we used to be. But we keep in touch."

"Were you and he...after I left, did you and he..."

::Shit. Sod OFF, Sebastian! Why would you jump there?::

Trying to correct it, I offer a measly, "sorry. That's not my business is it?"

But I can't help wanting to know. They were obviously close. 'The indivisible duo,' Ronan said. I can barely stomach thinking of the ways I've already hurt Ominis so thoughtlessly – my first real friend, my first confidant, my brother. And though it kills me to consider, I don't know if I could bear to add further insult to injury if he and April had some kind of past.

My heart sinks to realize I can't read April's reaction. The look she's giving me makes me think she's not sure if I'm joking. Her voice is emphatic with some disbelief as she says, "No, Bash..."

I nod. I hope she's not upset that I asked. But I'm relieved. Still looking at me curiously, April says almost scrupulously, "I'm not really his type." She reads my face for a moment before adding, "he's became a brother to me. Our bond goes pretty deep."

Merlin...

I try to ignore the thoughts of what I saw tonight. Tamp down the shame I feel. I'm dismayed when a raspy tension reveals itself in my voice as I say, "I'm really glad you had each other."

April looks at me kindly. She brushes a few stray hairs from my face and it sends chills down my neck into my chest. Her cool hand rests on my cheek as she explains, "I've been thinking about it and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need his help. You know, with the – his memories. So...he might be around."

"Yeah, that makes sense." I clench my jaw at the thought of facing him, attempting to keep a volatile ocean of remorse and fear at bay. I have to avert my eyes from April's to be able to ask what I want to know but am afraid to hear the answer to. She moves her hand to my shoulder. Her tenderness might melt me.

"Do you think he'd want to see me?" I finally mutter.

She inhales deeply and answers candidly, "Honestly? I don't know."

::What were you expecting, you foolish arse?::

I instinctively grab and squeeze her hand as though it were some kind of life raft. Through a smile born of my discomfort I stammer, "suppose there are worse answers." I try to force myself back to her eyes but I can't.

"Would you like me to talk to him about you?" she gently offers. I feel emotions I'm unprepared to face threatening to break through. I bring her fingers to my lips as if they could help me keep in my breath and my tears. I nod as I scrunch my nose to reduce the tingling sensation I feel.

"Okay," she says. "I will."

I nod again, kissing her fingers repeatedly. I am unable to meet her eyes for all the gratitude I feel for her. For the shame racing through me. And I resort to pulling her folded form into me, adjusting myself backwards into the corner of the sofa. She adapts and tucks into the crook of my arm, nuzzling into my side and brushing her hand back and forth across my chest as I measure my breathing.

We sit in this way, taking in the quiet together for some minutes. She closes her eyes, relaxing under my fingers that I run along her back and arms in return.

More long minutes pass.

"Hey Bash?" she says eventually.

"Yeah?"