Melancholic Sun | hp

iii | Interlude

"Devotion or Obsession"
by C.G.N.

I had never spoken to you before,
Your presence is so bright that I am blinded,
Your piercing gaze leaves me breathless,
Your beauty rivals a goddess, it should be a sin,

I am merely a no-one, a wallflower,
You shine so bright that I am reduced to dust,
I do not deserve to breathe the same air as you,
Your mind is both astonishingly devious and clever,

I am hollow, and you are filled with everything colorful,
A mortal man who worships every step you take,
A coward who hides from your burning happiness,
Mind corrupt, tainted with everything wrong in the world but you save me from myself,

Every day I say your name like a prayer,
I am a man dressed in imperfections,
My mistakes rule over me, it dictates my life,
I am a sinking ship and you are my Bermuda triangle,

I wish to serve you, and only you,
A noose or a trigger, my poison would always be you,
Your entire being is ethereal, the universe favors you too much,
I am unwanted, Fate hates me, I have nothing,
But I desire you, you are a forbidden fruit,

Resisting is pointless, as you are like a majestic being,
That makes me do questionable deeds,

I must pluck up the courage to serve you with all of me,
My heart, body, and unwavering loyalty I offer to you, my goddess,
You denied my servitude to you, for you needed an equal,
How dare I be your equal, for I am unworthy,

A slave for you is all I had desired, but a lover,
To be your lover is to be a sinner, a sinner I will be for you,
Forgive me, for I never knew you waited for me,
It must be a dream, this does not seem like the reality I had known,

Realization dawned on me, for I saw you as a fantasy,
The strong undefeatable goddess I admire was fantasy,
For your true self, is a porcelain mask for others,
You are human, a mortal but you rise higher,

You were never frail, you triumph over those who belittle you,
You say you are no goddess but to me, you are so much more,
Humble is your beautiful trait, for you see yourself as mortal,
All the little things, you appreciate and care for,

Despite your cold facade, you radiate warmth within you,
A warmth we now both share, as our skins touch,

I have laid myself bare for you, every flaw and cracks,
You cleansed my scarred hands with your simple touch,
Your lips taste like cyanide, a kiss from you is lethal,
Your sweet embrace purifies my impure soul,

Impure thoughts ring in my head, I wish to bind you,
To me but that would be too selfish, self-indulgence can be crime,
I would never covet you like my sister did her lover,
Chained to her and his mind and soul forever corrupted,

I offered my whole being to you,
In return, you offer me with our bundle of joy,
My heart warms as your belly grows,
Never had I been so selfish before than I had now,

I thought all my days would be filled with your vibrant smiles,
But alas, Fate truly hated me, they took you,
I had cursed you with my love, if only I distanced myself,
We would never have been made into a tragic song,

A young maiden, her youthful face forever frozen in time,
As you lay in the glass coffin, cold and timeless,
Each day I offer you starflowers, wilting and withering like myself,
As I live and breathe, I feel disconnected to reality once again,

I curse the Fates, for their disfavor to me was directed to you,
I blame myself for killing you, I was your poison,

I yearn for the day my breathing stops,
My body going cold and limp, but my soul,
My soul would be warm from your sweet embrace,
To make you wait is too cruel of an act from me,

You are my poison and salvation,
Would chasing you to the afterlife be devotion or obsession?,
Or simply foolishness? But I decided nothing matters,
I now lay with you in this glass coffin, our youth and love,
Forever frozen in time in this glass casket.

~ a collection of perspectives written by C.G.N. in memory of his late brother, H.J.P.