Dead Man Walking Year

Shhh...

When Lia walked into the living room, Royce and her father were having an argument about underwear.

"Are you fucking kidding me? You're picking on me, right?" Royce said, inspecting the package.

"No. Why?" Lucian said.

"These?" Royce said.

"Yeah, what's the problem? You got to wear shit like that for awhile, the doctor said so," Lucian said.

"Oh, now you care what the doctor says about surgery aftercare. Don't act like I don't remember," Royce said.

"Maybe I'm trying to keep you from making the same mistakes I did, you ever think of that? That's what parents are supposed to do. And for the record, I followed those orders," Lucian said.

Royce stared at him, his eyebrows drawn together in the middle.

"What is it now?" Lucian said.

"I'm picturing you slaying a literal god, and you're telling me you were wearing a banana hammock the entire time? Why do you have to ruin everything?" Royce said.

"Not a banana hammock, just tight underwear, like I was told. Those aren't banana hammocks, banana hammocks are those little Speedo things strippers wear," Lucian said.

"Oh my god," Lia said.

"Am I wrong?" Lucian said.

"I don't know if you're wrong, because if I see a stripper, I assure you I'm not evaluating his fashion," Lia said.

"No, you're not, because male strippers aren't real, it's something that was made up for movies," Royce said.

"I'm not even going to get into this with you again right now, I'm too sober," Lia said.

"I don't care what you think you saw in Las Vegas. You won't convince me," Royce said.

"Saw what in Las Vegas?" Angel said, as he walked in from the kitchen. With a paper towel in his hand, loaded down with selections from every single snack Lia had brought them.

"Male strippers," Lia said.

"Oh, yeah. The Thunder From Down Under. At the Excalibur, I went with her," Angel said.

"For the last time, those aren't male strippers," Royce said.

"It was a bunch of guys who danced around on the stage and took their clothes off, like, it was textbook," Angel said.

"Those are dancers who take their clothes off, not strippers, and did I say I was talking to you again? Did I somehow give you the impression I would want that within this century?" Royce said.

"I mean, you're laying over there talking to me," Angel said.

"I'm about to be over there punching you," Royce said.

"Jesus, stop it! Stop making me thankful you moved out, I'm supposed to be sad about it! Royce, listen. Those are what I brought you. Those are what your doctor wants you to wear. So fucking wear them," Lucian said.

"But I just don't understand why these," Royce said.

"Well, uh ... because they were kind of the smallest ones we could find at the store. Without looking in the kid's stuff," Lucian said.

"Oh, god, someone kill me," Royce said.

"We're not saying it like that, just that you're ... small. Like, as a whole person," Lia said.

"You tried!" Royce said.

Lia shrugged her shoulders.

"You also picked these, didn't you?" Royce said.