Roomies [BoyXBoy]

Chapter 10: Denial and Acceptance

Warning: This is written by an amature, meaning not proofread nor edited. This may or may not contain mis-spelled words or grammatical errors.

Enjoy!

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Kris' POV

Have you ever woken up from a nap feeling void, incomplete? That instead of feeling rested, you feel more exhausted than you were before you slept. Thats how I feel now.

I woke up disoriented, confused as to why I am on Matty's bed, clutching his pillow tight.  And suddenly everything came back to me. Like water in a dam, a switch was turned on and everything flooded back in my mind.

Matty's face that cant even hide the fact that he was hurt when I said no. When he snapped at me. When he just walked away without a second glance. The closin of the door that seems like the end of our friendship that I really worked for. The song that I unconsciously played on the guitar. The feeling when I clung to his pillow, when his scent invaded my entirety. The realization that just the thought of not seeing him for a couple of days makes me miss him already.

I looked around the room and it feels like something is missing. It felt incomplete.

I dont know why I am feeling this now. Why?! I mean, this feeling, like a big chunk of me was taken. I know i might sound sooooo dramatic now. But I dont care what you think. This is how I feel. I'm missing a big part of me.

I didnt know that this guy, an awesome guy will be able to engrave his self on me in a matter of two months. I didnt know that I will be able to feel this way about a guy because I dont swing that way. As i told him. I like girls. I like girls a lot. But at this moment, it seems like that fact doesnt even matter. Thats why I am questioning my self. How is this possible? Why am I feeling this? I have other guy friends but I dont feel like this when I think about them.

Is Matty that special to me? Maybe, yeah. I mean aside from my Dad he's the next person that I lived with. I know that at some point i'll grow attached to him but not this much.

I know that there's something happening between us but I am not ready to accept that. I cant even say it. And the thought of it makes my mind go on a limbo. No. I cant. I dont swing that way. I have a girlfriend to prove my point. Even if we are miles apart we make things work.

I need to stop this line of thinking, it will just lead to something that i believe i would regret. I looked outside the window as an attempt to distract myself. Seems like its still raining though it isnt that hard as it was earlier. Is he safe? I thought to myself.

It isnt bad if I care about him right? I mean friends do care about each other right? They take care of one another and think about each others welfare, right? Yeah i think thats pretty normal, to think about his safety since we are friends. And since the weather is still bad, i want to know that he is safe even if he seems to be mad at me.

Should I call him? Nah thats to forward. Should I txt him? Yeah that much more normal. But what if he wont reply? Ughh. One step at a time. Text him then wait for his response. If he wont then, uhm..call him, maybe.

Matt sorry. Wer r u? R u safe?

Then I waited for his response. Then waited. Then waited more. I got impatient and sent him another text.

Matty I'm sorry :( pls let me knw ur okay..

Then I waited again. And waited again. Waited some more. And again, no response. Aside from feeling impatient, I started to get anxious. Its not like Matty. He always respond to me. It doesnt matter if we are in class or going somewhere within three minutes he responds. Maybe he is still angry, I thought.