✅ Over Protected

36. Friends Ask Questions

"That seems fair," Gem cut off anyone else who might have been offended by anything less than absolute trust. "So you're the test, before we can see Lyra again? To make sure we can watch this and not be mean about it. It's good to look after somebody who's vulnerable."

"Yeah," I said, and looked down at my diary again. It was full of little butterflies and deformed rabbits, the doodles of a childish mind. Some of my entries still had words in, but not all of them. And I could tell that my friends were wondering about that, not knowing if I would still be the person they knew if I couldn't think so much.

"It'll only be for a year or two," I said. "But Lyra needs some support, I think. She needs to know we all still care about her, even if she can't help acting like a baby sometimes. If her parents can let you see her, so we're all still friends, I think that will make it easier for her."

Everybody mumbled their agreement, and then went quiet as Mr Smith walked into the classroom. It was time to learn now, once he was done with all the silly dad jokes for the morning. Today, he greeted us and said that there was some kind of event our parents were welcome to come to if they wanted to, but I didn't catch the details. Then he said that we were going to have a new classmate tomorrow, and I wondered who it would be. I wouldn't really have time to meet them before the childish thoughts overwhelmed me and I didn't feel up to going to school even on the good days. But it was still exciting to meet somebody knew. And then it was all the normal stuff, checking who was here and who was absent. The part of the school day that always went past without any kind of problems, until today.

I was waiting for the teacher to call my name when I felt something change. My muscles were suddenly too weak, and I knew what was happening about half a second before it actually happened. I felt my muscles relax, automatically tried to correct that, and my body just didn't respond. There was nothing I could do about it, those muscles were completely numb now, and I hadn't felt anything until it was too late. I was about to wet myself... No, I could already feel the first spurt of pee escaping into my pants, and the warmth spreading around my bum. Mummy had decided that I was a baby today. But that didn't make sense, because I wasn't wearing a diaper, so all my thoughts wouldn't go away.

As I felt the pee streaming down my legs, my mouth hung open in shock. I didn't know what I could do, or what I could say about it. I could kind of think normally, except from the leftover fuzziness in my head from last night, but there was nothing I could do to stop the accident. And when I found thoughts about being a good girl for Mummy drifting across my mind, I knew that there were things more important than all the drugs.

I'd been reading that book again this week. Potty Training for Teens. It was framed as a set of affirmations for self help. You can resist little accidents because only babies wet themselves. Babies do this, that, and the other, so if you were a baby you would do that too. It was designed to make you associate wet diapers with being a baby, and being a baby with doing all those things. Maybe it was some kind of brainwashing thing, even. I could imagine that working. Especially once I knew that some of the diapers would make me less critical and more suggestible.

But I was starting to think of myself as a baby. Even without the diapers, and the special magic crystals in them that would turn my brain off. I was having an accident, so I must be a baby. It was as natural and obvious as two and two adding up to four... I hesitated a second, just to confirm to myself that the calculation was right there.

And then my friends were running around, noticing that I was staring into space, as well as the puddle spreading on the floor. They seemed to be in a little panic, until the teacher came over and told everybody to sit down.

"I uhh..." I mumbled. "I can't remember how to hold it? I think I... umm..."

"Is this part of the turning into a baby thing?" Penny asked. At least one person could make the connection.

"I think so," I mumbled. I felt so helpless now, that this could happen without me even realising until it was too late. But it was also reassuring that my friends were still listening to me, and that they were still worried about me instead of laughing. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

It was hard enough to say even that much. There was a thought at the back of my mind that I must be a baby if I'd wet myself, and a baby couldn't think like that. And it was a weird kind of fun when I realised that sooner or later, I wouldn't be able to resist doing what those thoughts said I should. But right now, I knew that the most important thing was making sure that nobody else worried about me.

"It's okay, Alice," the teacher said, and I knew Mummy would want me to listen to the grown-ups. "I think I should call your mummy now, is that okay with you?"

I nodded, and didn't try to think anymore. When any of my friends talked to me like a baby, it just made it feel more real. I could laugh then, and play along, and even without the special diapers, any dream that I might have been a big girl started to fade away. Penny came with me to the nurse's office, where I could wait for Mummy to come and get me. I felt so safe knowing there was a friend there for me, and nothing else seemed to matter. And after a bit of talking, which I didn't really need to understand, Penny convinced Mummy that she should come with me to make sure I was okay. Mummy asked me if that was okay, and I nodded and giggled. I might have said something, but I didn't know how much sense I was making then.

It was good to have a friend who really cared. I didn't think too much about it, because babies can't think. But I could feel good. Mummy put me in a diaper, because she knew I needed it. And then I sat down to watch cartoons, while Mummy asked Penny if she was okay with being my babysitter for a little while. We were friends, I knew. But It was still good to have Penny looking after me when I was a baby. I felt good about that right up until the moment I wet my diaper, and then I wasn't thinking anything at all.