Guiltiness

Divorce

Paradoxically, there was beautiful summer weather on the day of Harry's divorce from Ginny, which only added to Harry's despondency and feelings of doom. He felt like he was an absolute loser. He hadn't been doing well at work lately; he could not get the worries of home out of his mind, and for days he was distracted, irritable, and made many unnecessary mistakes of inattention, which could have disastrous consequences for the Auror. His colleagues probably registered the decrease in his performance as Harry was now working on the minor cases suitable for a beginner, so he felt even more incompetent.

He'd been dismayed when Ginny had told him she wanted a divorce a few months ago, but he had to admit he'd been somewhat relieved. They had been living side by side for several years now as just friends. On Harry's part, it had always been more about friendship and gratitude, but since he had never known anything else, it felt normal to him. He could see that his best friend Ron's relationship with Hermione was more passionate and deeper than he had with his wife, but he put it down to his unfortunate unromantic nature and the traumas he had to go through in the past. Ginny has always stood faithfully by his side, giving him three beautiful children, caring for him and making him feel safe. He couldn't imagine that anything would ever change. Now that he faced new challenges, he felt utterly lost. He wasn't mad at his wife for not wanting to stay in the dysfunctional relationship anymore, and he promised to keep their friendship strong. Still, he felt left out and unnecessary, mainly because Ginny didn't deny that she had a new boyfriend, while he had to move out, find a new place to live, and start taking care of himself.

And then there was another problem, a huge problem that he didn't know how to deal with at all. Albus, his middle son, now sixteen, had decided to move in with him while the other two children stayed with Ginny. He didn't understand this choice, they had been arguing all their lives, and Harry often felt Albus hated him. He did not understand his son very well, and although he tried to get closer to him at least a little, his efforts to find a common language repeatedly failed. Albus was rebellious, withdrawn, and often offended, and Harry obviously didn't have enough patience with him. He would have preferred all three children to stay with Ginny, and when Albus told him he wanted to move in with him, he initially refused. He felt a little guilty about this decision, but he tried to convince himself that it would be better this way. He couldn't raise someone so complicated. But Albus didn't give up, and Ginny took an uncompromising position that Harry would allow Albus to live with him. He wanted to discuss the matter with Albus one last time and asked him directly why he insisted on being with him. His son's answer completely disarmed him.

"Dad, I don't want you to be alone. I'll keep an eye on you. I'll take care of you." Considering he was even more clueless than Harry in the household, it sounded a little laughable; But Harry was moved so much that he finally agreed.

The divorce took place without any complications, without arguments and mutual accusations. Harry was then awaited by his friends Ron and Hermione, who came to give him moral support. Ron felt slightly angry at his sister for leaving Harry and imagined himself in his situation. If Hermione had left him, he might not have survived, or so he thought; that's why he didn't understand that his friend was so calm. They went for a butterbeer, at least for a while, because Harry had to go back home – to his new temporary home, that is – to see Albus.

"What's your plan for today?" Ron asked him.

"Moving to our new home," Harry replied unenthusiastically. He didn't want to do anything at all, he didn't look forward to anything, everything seemed tiring, boring, or it caused him anxiety. Today he will be alone with Albus for the first time; he has to prepare dinner for him – actually, for both of them. He could get a house elf but was used to some privacy. Ginny could take care of everything herself, so he didn't even think about it until he faced the need to solve a problem. He comforted himself with the thought that the summer would soon be over, Albus would return to Hogwarts boarding school for wizards, and he would live alone, but he would not be responsible for anyone.

"I can help you with the moving if you want, Harry," Ron offered, and Harry very readily agreed.

The whole afternoon passed in a forced cheerful mood, but Harry appreciated his friend's help. What he was afraid of, that he would be alone with his son in a quiet, unfamiliar apartment, was postponed by one day. It was already going to be difficult, as Harry had taken the rest of the holidays off and had no plan whatsoever on how to spend the long days. Ron was able to dispel his worries with his first-rate humour. He and Ron drank a little that evening, and Harry didn't even notice that Albus wasn't with them. He had no idea where he was or what he was doing. Sometime around midnight, he realised this (again with the necessary dose of remorse) and went to look for him. He didn't remember Albus saying goodnight to them.

"Albus! Albus!" he called, walking through the entire apartment, which he still did not know at all. He didn't know where he had put his wand, so he just bumped into things in the dark, looking completely lost. He could hear Ron's snoring in the distance. At last, he saw the light coming from the closed door of his son's room.

He opened the door, a bright light hitting his eyes. It took him a moment to focus and realise what Albus had been doing all along.

"Looking at school pictures?" he asked in disbelief.

Albus nodded a little sheepishly.

"Do you miss school?" Harry asked slightly ironically. Albus was not exactly a model student.

"I miss Scorpius," Albus answered surprisingly directly. "I haven't seen him for a long time. He hasn't written to me much..." he sighed.

"Are you worried about him?" Harry asked almost empathetically. Having drunk quite a lot tonight, he could speak to his son calmly and spontaneously, which Albus immediately took advantage of.

"I don't know if he'll still want to talk to me. Maybe he met someone..."

Albus looked like a pile of misery.

"Friendships don't disappear over the holidays," said Harry. "Look at me, Ron and Hermione. They were always there for me, and even if we didn't see each other for a long time, I knew I could count on them. If it weren't for Ron, we wouldn't even have dinner tonight."

Albus nodded. How would he explain to his father that the parallels between him and Scorpius on the one hand and Harry and Ron on the other weren't entirely accurate? He didn't understand himself; he knew he claimed Scorpius too much for himself. At the end of last year, he wanted to spend almost all his time with him, but it destroyed him when he saw his friend in close contact with girls. He was jealous of everyone who happened to be near him. At the end of the school year, he had been unnecessarily cold towards him, not to reveal any of his feelings, and now he blamed himself for it. It was eighteen days until the departure for Hogwarts, and Albus was getting worse and worse mentally.

Harry gave his son an encouraging smile. "It'll be all right, you'll see." He hugged his son briefly.

"Now, help me find my wand before I get lost here in this apartment."