when the stars finally aline

chapter 16

"No. Not anymore. This is all my fault. I do not deserve you or Peter. James already saw that and ran the minute he met someone better and let's be honest he is much better. He is Regulus Black, Heir to the black fortune, he did everything right, everything I should have been yet I did everything but..Honestly rem I deserve every curse, every hit and every word ever thrown at me" Sirius shouts suddenly standing up and pacing the room. 

" Don't you dare say that Pads, Your parents, they are an absolute  monster, They deserve hell, no wait they deserve eternal life in Azkaban because trust me they are nothing but horrible people" Peter tried to reason coming to his friend defence 

"No Pete, Thank you for everything both of you, but this little life I have been living is nothing but a dream honestly I am a Black, I am nothing but an incest baby. realistically I should have never left Regulus, I should have  never rebelled if I was the perfect son, regulus would have never endured the pain he has in his life but it is never too late" Sirius explains 

"Sirius please do not do this! this is happening because you are upset and you know, Pete knows, We all know you needed to leave that house, not only were they abusive good for nothing death eaters but you are not them, you are not your parents. You are nothing like them, Regulus is not like them and this is just an argument, this will blow over I promise but please do not do this love" Remus says whilst starting to plead at the end

"But Remus I-" He starts before looking at Remus. 

At this stage Remus was already crying, tears strumming down his face, he was so scared, He felt like a little boy once more, he went right back to the first full moon before transformation, He felt that scared and honestly Remus had not felt this scared ever but right now he could potentially be losing his best friend, not only is he potentially losing his best friend, he is losing the man he loves, The man he considers the love of his life. 

Not only was Sirius ready to drop everything to try and fix everything with Regulus in a heartbeat. He was ready to head back into that household and take every punishment, he was even willing to take over from Regulus and go as far as taking the mark, leaving everything behind and joining the dark side. It scared Sirius, of course, he was scared out of his mind but in that moment when Regulus told him he was dead to me he knew he had seriously screwed up and he knew he had to fix this but at that moment Sirius could not see a reason to continue this life, He had lost Remus, the love of his life, James had replaced him with the better Black brother and now he had lost the only family he actually cared about and there were only two options at that moment that Sirius saw fit, Become the heir his family wants and release Regulus from that torture, sure he probably be forced to marry some pureblood witch and create an heir but that fiat was much better than the other option of facing death on the daily fighting on the wrong side of the war. If Sirius did this James and Regulus might be happy being friends as clearly Regulus was so protective over the boy. The other option is suicide. 

That's the thing about James Potter, Sirius always believed  That if James ever passed away or left he would end everything because he could not live in a world without James potter because James potter is the sun and the world does not spin without the sun. The sun is beautiful in so many ways but without its presence, it was black and miserable, scientifically one would die without the sun and if the sun is James potter then there is no world without James Potter therefore without his presence in his life Sirius saw no reason to continue life, continuing breathing because the sun shines somewhere else now and he is dead. 

"désolée mon amour"  was the last words Sirius uttered before disappearing into a cloud of mist travelling to his punishment. Travelling to abuse and torture. Travelling to the dark side. 

XXX

Regulus entered the room with a face of Thunder. He was not happy in the slightest. 

"Regulus?" Evan asked once he had entered the room once more