Such Sweet Nothing

Chapter 1: Earth

Santa's affection now was scarce. There was no rhyme or reason to when he would be in a good mood with Earth. Earth treasured those rare moments where he showed Earth his cuteness and interacted with him like old times. Because now, more often than not, Earth got this cold, aloof version of Santa that he didn't know and didn't like, but still couldn't help but to want.

Earth jostled in his seat as the car thudded over bumps in the road. He grabbed onto the handgrip and held on tight so that he wouldn't be thrown out of his seat.

"Hey." Earth said to Santa, trying to break the ice yet again.

He was hesitant to start a conversation with Santa but was unwilling to let this strange, almost hostile silence fester either.

"Ready for the event?"

Santa glanced at Earth as though seeing him for the first time. He had greeted Earth when he came in. Just a smile that twisted his face and didn't reach his eyes and a clipped wave. He had disappeared until they got into the van and as usual Earth wasn't sure what to make of his behavior.

Santa raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement to Earth's question and nodded sharply before screwing in some earpods and laying back. Clearly he wasn't in the mood to talk. Earth schooled his face not to show any expression. Their managers and stylists were giving him a look and he didn't want to appear fazed. He withdrew as well and laid back against the leather seat to rest until they got to the event.

When they got to the event, Santa got out of the car without a single backwards glance at Earth. It made Earth wish that he was wearing something as revealing as the outfit he wore during his last schedule with Santa. For some reason, Santa had shown him more attention, tried to cover him up, was possessive in a way that Earth longed for again. He had been happy and smiley that night. Was he just yet another person that only liked the way he looked? Was that true? Was that real?

But no, Earth remembered. That wasn't what the Santa from before had wanted. He didn't care if he was in oversized sweats with half his manicure peeling and his skincare dripping onto his shirt. He'd touched and poked his face, messing up his whole routine and Earth wanted so badly to be mad at him, but Santa's laughter had just been so infectious that it had been impossible.

Santa had seen him at his worst and wanted to spend time with him just the same. What was so different now? What had changed?

The event was packed. Famous loveteams from across the industry were all there, and as always, Earth felt so honored and was in disbelief that he was counted among those people.

Camera lights flashed as everyone walked the blue carpet. Everyone else looked so lovey-dovey, so happy to be together, standing so close, holding each other and hamming it up for the cameras. Earth wanted that with Santa. Remembered when Santa was all over him to the point of excess. And now, even though their fans were filming them, Santa wouldn't even look his way.

Earth waved to the cameras with a big smile on his face, but he just felt so out of place. He spun this way and that, showing off his outfit, and hoped that no one caught onto his mood. He tried to redirect his thoughts to the post he was contracted to make later and saw that Santa was already getting a head start.

Santa took out his phone and lifted it to take a selfie and Earth insinuated himself in the shot because if he didn't, he didn't know whether Santa would include him in the frame. And what would that look like to their fans? They showed up together but they didn't take a picture together? That would be fishy. That would be weird. And he wasn't stupid, he knew that everyone already noticed that something was off.

It was a frequent internet search for crying out loud.

"What happened to SantaEarth?" "SantaEarth breakup?"

People were making posts about it, tweeting about it, and making videos. The speculation was everywhere, but the truth was that Earth didn't even know what was going on. One day everything was fine and then the next, Santa had pulled back.

Pat, pat.

The feeling of Santa's fingers on his thigh pulled Earth back to the present, and Earth's heart stuttered at the minute touch. Santa flicked his eyes to the bottom of the stairs, signaling that it was time for them to descend.

Earth pressed his lips together and walked down the stairs. He wanted more, so much more.

He remembered when Santa touched him frequently and generously. He missed when Santa couldn't keep his hands off of him, and now it was like he needed to be coerced to sit next to Earth.

In fact if he wasn't obligated to, Earth had the suspicion that he would go sit somewhere else. Santa looked like he wished he were anywhere but here.

Was sitting next to him so horrible? Earth wondered. Why did this happen to him every time? He couldn't keep a boyfriend, he couldn't keep a co-star. He'd already gone through more than most others in the industry. What did that mean? What did that say about him?

Everyone was always moving on without him, and he knew that he wasn't lacking in talent or mental fortitude. He'd stood up to so much and endured so much as one of the only openly gay BL stars in Thailand, but Santa's cold shoulder was so much worse than any past grievance or nameless hater on the internet.

This was personal. This was real. This was unbearable.

Earth didn't know what to do anymore. He'd tried being as normal as possible, tried being real, tried talking to Santa, and sometimes, he'd get him back. It was so confusing. Was it really for the cameras? If so, then why wasn't it for every camera? Why was it only sometimes? Why was his affection so sporadic? Earth felt like he was going crazy.

Santa used to post him all over his social media, and now all he posted were thirst traps and dance videos. Earth had to stop himself from looking at Santa's stories, because, after all, he no longer looked at his.

Santa was giving him such sweet nothing. No more likes on Instagram, or replies on Twitter, no more special looks that made him tingle all the way through, no more affectionate touches, no more hyper good morning texts, and no more gentle good nights.

Earth was determined to find out why.