False God

Chapter Seventeen

-I care a lot, I don't want them to think I'm petty and don't know how to recognize my defeat.

-I don't remember you having that thought last year, also this year you didn't even compete for the championship.

-Still, not going for two years in a row can be frowned upon.

-I know... of course it is, it wouldn't be to see Max, of course not.

-Of course not, I don't have anything else to talk to Max about.

-Of course.

-I'm serious.

-I believe you.

-Sebastian, I'm serious, I don't want to see him.

-When you thought he didn't love you, you moved on, even though you suffered, and even though it took time, you managed to move on with your life, or at least you tried most of the time. But now that you know that he loved you and still loves you it's holding you back, I know you, I know that you want to go to him, I don't judge, you know, I think that after all this shit you both deserve a chance to be together for real.

-I don't want to get hurt again Seb.

-You're already hurting yourself Lewis.

-You know... I haven't moved on this well before.

-Really Lewis? If you hadn't told me, I wouldn't have even noticed. You literally hooked up with any guy that looked like Max.

-I didn't do it.

-You did, and it wasn't just the blue eyes and blond hair, they had to be taller than you too, honestly if it wasn't for that last feature I wouldn't even notice, because let's face it you have a type, but I've never seen you select so much.

-Shut up

-You've run out of arguments?

-I hate you.

-He asked me if you hated him, you know?

-And what did you say?

-I said that you were angry, but that you could never hate him.

-He asked me that when we were in Vegas, he was always afraid that people would hate him.

-Especially the people he loves.

-I really don't know what to do Seb, it's been so long, but the feeling is still here, it always has been, but before it was calm, now it's so agitated that it's hard to keep it to myself, I feel like I'm overflowing, I see him in everything.

-It is understandable, after all you now know that he not only loved you, but still loves you.

-But this didn't stop him from hurting me.

-Lewis, we do stupid things in life and Max is someone who is complex and has many problems, and you know this better than I do, he has many layers and many of them are so broken that I don't even know if it is possible to fix. Also Max was so young, he still is.

-I know, and I don't want him to be perfect Seb, I just wanted to be the one who, despite everything, he wants to be together, and I'm not. Fuck, how did a conversation about going to the award ceremony become about Max?

-It's always been about him, since Abu Dhabi everything you talk about is about him, either explicitly or implicitly. I dare say it's been since you told me you liked him, but I won't go back too far in time.

-Fuck you.

-It's just the truth.

-Let's suppose that I still want it.