Need help in your miserable life?

This is THE perfect thing for you!

This part is rushed, and kinda bad, so please have mercy on me!!

This day started horrible. First my boss decided to cut my monthly payment to almost the half, my phone charger broke, and my favorite restaurant closed due to health reasons.
But what happened now... that was a new low.

Some guy bumped into me, while I had my keys out, having me loose grip on said keys, and having them fall in the open manhole.

In disbelief I look at the open Manhole, my hand stiffly by my side, where just recently I held my keys.
-My keys- that were now chilling in the sewers.

I look down into it.

Yeah no, no money in the world would make me go down there.

Instead I pull out my smartphone and dial the number of the locksmith.

---

"There you go, have a great day, and watch out next time"
The lady said, after she fiddled open my door, smiling before she walked away.

$150 just because that wanker decided to bump into me. Sweet.
Well spare keys are a thing so I'm not completely screwed.

No worries, no tears.
I'm a big pal, I can handle one bad moment!
Yeah, I can handle that, I'll just order pizza and live in denial.

The phone in one hand and their card in the other, I put the device to my ear

-beep-

-beep-

-beep-

-beep-

Huh, taking their time, are they?

-beep-

-beep-

"I'm sorry, we're currently closed, please call us again later"

It's 5:43pm. What pizzeria closes before 9pm?
Alright, I still have 5 other places.

-beep-

-beep-

-beep-

-beep-

"I'm sorry, we're current-"

The hell? Them too? Ok ok. 4 more to go

-beep-

-beep-

"Hello this is Mario's'

" thank goodness, you're the first one to-"

"Sadly we are closed. So sorry we can't be there for you"

Ah fuck ok. Yer bastards

3 left

-beep-

-beep-

"Sup, this is Greg's. Whatcha want?"

Charming

"Yeah hi, I'd like to order a pizza?"
"Really? Sorry I gotta check if 'Greg's pizzeria' has pizza"

Lovely

As soon as I told him my order, he told me to wait thirty minutes, and hung up.
I'll definitely erase their number from my phone. Prolly put a sticky note on my fridge with a warning of this place...
I plump down on my couch and reach for the remote.
It's, like always, on the floor.
The couch squeaks as I lean down to grab it.
Old couch would be a compliment to this old thing.
Passed down from grandma to grandma since 1969
My grandma got tired of it and decided to give it to me.
I wish I was lying, when I say that the first time I sat in it, a huge daddy long legs crawled out of it.
I was so disgusting by that, I instantly ripped off all the covers and give it a good chemical treatment.

I turn on the TV and was immediately greeted with a scrawny looking guy, standing in front of a church
"Is your life miserable? Do you sometimes look at your neighbor's garden and wish you weren't such a looser?"

Wow- the Christians these days are wild.
Like okay, hit me exactly where it hurts.

I switch channels
I was met with a very pretty woman holding some sort of stone in the camera

"This, ladies and gentlemen, is THE way out of bad luck"

Ah, scam TV. My favorite!

"It sucks out your bad energy and fills you up with all the good stuff"

I can't hold back a small chuckle
That was one way to put it

"It will give you power. Yes, power! Just call 88-"

I press the remote button and it switches again.
This time it was a reality show.
Sometimes like big brother, but in bad, with minimal budget.

I mean, it's better than the other two, right? Right.

-------

Right as Jessica was about to confess Hannah her love, the door rang.
Pizza.

I jump up and walk to the door

"Hello there, how's it hanging? I've got some pizza fooooor... Uh"
The delivery guy looked at me, smiling awkwardly
"For?" He repeated
"For me? "
No way in hell I'll tell him my name
"Me'... Your parents hated you that much?"
He joked
I smiled, took the pizza and gave him $20
"Wait, that's too mu-"
"Keep the change"
"Thanks"
He looked me straight in the eyes and smiled

"Enjoy your pizza"

He said in a monotone voice, not breaking eye contact and a constant grin on his face

Ok weirdo, goodbye
"Yeah... Bye"
I said while closing the door.

I opened the pizza cardboard and my smile faded.

That was definitely not my order. I don't know what it was, but that's not it.

Adding to that, oil dripped down from the pizza piece I picked up
I gave this man $20 for soggy pizza, that wasn't even my order.

Ok ok. Not good, but whatcha wanna do?
I'm not gonna call there again.

I put the pizza on some paper towels and waited till the oil was soaked into them.
While throwing the cardboard in the bin, a sheet of paper fell out of it, that looked similar to a flyer.
I picked it up and briefly looked at it.
Tho I took a double take because the design on there caught my eye.

It was... to put it nicely, ragged up- like it had been around for a while.
Colors of blue red and yellow were brought into the design, also a small crown or something on the top right of it.
The font on it was in cursive, like something really special was being described.

"Is your life miserable? Do you keep having bad luck?"

Was that connect to the lady from scam TV? It sounded similar

"Then my friend you found your ticket to a promised land!"

Now that was just stupid. That sounds like some sort of circus for middle aged parent, who need a time out from their kids, with attractions that'll cost you your right kidney.

"Thats ridiculous... "

With that I tossed it with the other stuff in the bin, without looking at it again.