Behind His Cold Behavior ✅

Chapter 8

Growing in a place where poverty is common and continuous people like me are survivor in life, we came from the mud of crisis and lack of opportunity, I just happened to be lucky to have a scholarship to study in a school that I want. I really appreciate those persons who helped me and give me a job because they open the door for my dreams.

I am not aiming to be the top student in our class I only desired to be passed in every subjects without a failing grades. This is the only opportunity that I have to be able to study and graduate. So I need to cherish it.

I knew God loves me and he just want to test my trust and endurance but sometimes I really want to give up, I wanted to say I'm tired and I'm drained. I wanted to complain, I wanted to have someone to talk with about my struggles, I really want to rest sometimes. However, my extra time is intended for sleeping I had no time to regret and complain because I had so much work to do.

I am a boy but not a man,
a boy who likes a man.
I'm a gay but I don't like wearing girly things.
But because of my feminine feature people always mistook me as a woman.

Bullying and discrimination are seems normal in human nature and often happened in people who have different status in life. As for me I faced many discriminations because I'm poor and too feminine but thank God I didn't experienced bullying.

My life in college stays as a biggest challenge for me, It's still the same I'm working my ass off but when the hardest time came to me like now that I'm on a verge of losing my scholarship because I got low grades on many subjects. Even if I don't want to quit on my job but I don't have a choice I need to focus on my studies, I'm not working on the convenience store anymore and only continue my job as a keeper and cleaner on the library since maam told me that I only need to be there in a day if she needs my help and only do cleaning after class.

Everything became more hard for me because one of my source of income was gone. I don't know how to find money and to get a job that'll not consume too much time from me.

I sat on the grass here in the football field I need to review some of our lessons so when the exam come I won't crammed.

I'm really curious about this person who always putting food in my locker, sometimes it had cash in it. It is some kind of stalker? I don't want to think negative about this person because he didn't do any harm to me, instead he helped me more than he can imagine. I'm really grateful to her or him, he filled my stomach with the food he/she give. Whoever is that person I'm really thankful and grateful for what he/she had done.

I don't see it as an act out of pity for me maybe that person is one of those people who knew my struggles and want to help me in his own way without revealing his identity and I should respect that. After all it's not bad for me.

"Attention to all third year students, proceed to the auditorium for the school trip announcement"

I'm walking in a crowd of students that are rushing towards the auditorium. I'm just standing in the corner of the auditorium near the entrance. The principal said that the day after tomorrow we're going to have a field mission where we are going to be a volunteer in every organization, charity and orphanage and to complete the 168 hours of duty. And were going to pay 5,000 Bhat.

I only have tomorrow to pay but the money I have in my wallet isn't enough.

I walked home with a heaviness in my heart I don't know where to find money to pay and to spend for the rest of my days as a volunteer. I knew it's gonna be costly.

I checked my piggy bank when I reached home to count how much I saved, even if I am reluctant to opened it but I don't have any choices because I can't find a way to earn 5,000 bhat in one day.

It should be easy for me if I still work at the convenience store I can ask an advance of my salary but I already quit. It's sad and it's bad.

I am relieved after counting all the money it totalled 16,000 bhat it means I have an extra money for the field mission and also for the house expenses for the meantime before I'll find another job that won't consume too much time from me and I really hope I can find. I hope that God will be kinder to me this time.

I woke up early and went to school 'cause I don't want to have an unlucky day again just because I'm late, when the class starts the teacher give us the place to where we are assign. I am assigned to an organization that helps children that deals with malnutrition, child health and wellbeing, according to my teacher this organization holds feedings and medical missions in different places or location. To be honest I'm happy and excited because I can imagine that it's gonna be fun and worth of trying. Because there's a lot of organizations, orphanage and charities so every group only contains 10 members but in our section it's just three of us who are assigned to the Child Care Organization and the other members are from different sections or it could be any senior volunteers.

In the afternoon I went to the library to tell maam Jane that I can't clean for a week because of the field mission. And good things maam considered my excuse, maam Jane is really kind to me she always help me at my needs. She even offer to give money for my allowance but I kindly declined because I'm ashamed of her kindness

"Okay class, for those who want to pay you can pay now or look for me at my office later. I will read those names who already gave their payments"

Warut Nuppanot
Gulf Suppasit
Nattarine Kanawut ...

Build Jakapan

I was shocked and confused why my name was on the list

"Maam, I didn't pay yet but my you called my name" I stand from my chair and walk to the teacher's table where maam is calling the names and yes! I really read my name written on the paper clearly.

"Yeah, I forgot to say that someone already pay for you"

I tried to ask maam but she said that person don't want to reveal the name and just want to help me

I knew it, that stranger paid for me again? Should I thank him/her or I'll make it stop?

It's not the first time that someone paid for my school fee. Anytime tht I need money and I have problem that person is always there and helped me

What is that person's motive and agenda for helping me? What do he/she want in back?

I keep my money and gave the half of it to grandma since I'm gonna be away from home for a week, I don't want to leave her alone that's why I asked my auntie, my kind neighbor to look and care for grandma.

We rode a mini bus going to the location, it's just us the staffs from the organization that giving us some informations and instructions. After listening I took a nap and let myself rest.

I wanna survive in this cruel world no matter how hard my life could be, I will endure.

                             

🌱L.N.B