The Heart Wants What It Wants

Chapter Twenty-Four

I know I'm in a hospital, I've had surgery, I'm okay. I also know Jennie and Buckie are okay. I've been dimly aware of her presence in some other time and space, and knowing she's there helps ease some of my fear. I think it's her who's told me all these things, over and over as if she's chanting them to me or herself. I don't know. The only thing I know for sure is I hurt so badly it's stealing my breath.

I hate lying on my back, but every time I've tried to move and get more comfortable I've had a painful reminder of how bad an idea it is. My entire body feels like it's been steamrolled and the pain in my face and head is like I tripped into an acid bath. I decide again to try rolling slightly to lie on my hip and realize immediately I'm going to fail, and with a grunt of frustration and discomfort, give up.

"Lisa?"

Cracking my right eye open produces no nausea this time which is a small win. My left eye is welded shut and won't open no matter how I try. I can see, kind of, but it's only out of my right eye and nothing more than a blurry mess of shapes with little depth perception. I feel and hear Jennie coming closer.

"Hey," she says, gently squeezing my hand. "Hey, baby. It's me. You're okay. Everything's fine and we're safe." The words echo as a memory of things I've said to her before. Her touch moves up my arm. "How're you feeling?"

I try out my voice, which was touch and go earlier when I'd talked to the doctors. It's a little more go this time but still coarse and gravelly and my tongue feels like it's too fat for my mouth. "Like...some fucking bastard incel shot me in the face, broke my nose, a rib and two of my fingers." I close my eye again. The movement is accompanied by sharp pain through my skull.

"Strange." There's a tiny smile in her voice. She gently brings my hand to her mouth and kisses the base of each finger and my thumb. "Because that's exactly what happened to you, my love."

"Are you...okay?" That question has been screaming through my brain from the moment I first saw him in her bedroom. I thought about it when it was done, as I crawled across the bedroom floor to try to find her again. I thought about it as I was trying to stay conscious. I thought about it as I felt myself pass out. And I thought about it the moment I regained consciousness.

There's a long pause, but I know she's still there. Eventually Jennie murmurs, "I will be. I'm not hurt. Physically."

It's her evasion for now response and I know we'll come back to it. But I also know it's not a lie. If she says she's not hurt then I believe her. Talking with my eyes closed is disorienting and I open my right eye again but it's even worse than keeping my eyes closed. "I'm sorry. I want to look at your beautiful face but my eyes aren't working."

"I know, babe. It's fine."

"How's Buckie?" I know he's okay too, but I wonder if his okay is like Jennie's.

"I picked him up from the vet a couple days ago, he was pretty pleased to get out of there." She laughs quietly. "Probably wondering what he did to deserve that torture. There's no actual wounds or anything broken. Just soft tissue bruising, the vet says. He seems fine, maybe a bit quiet but he's eating okay and he's been sleeping in his bed in your bedroom with me. I think he's missing you."

"I miss him too." I inhale a cautious deep breath and let out an even more cautious one. "I still can't believe he did that. It was incredible. Protective Buckley was a badass." I swallow hard, not knowing how to verbalize exactly what I'm thinking. I wouldn't be here if he hadn't done what he did. If Jennie hadn't opened the door to get out or let him in or whatever she did.

"It really was incredible." I feel the emotion in her pause. "I...didn't see it all, just a little, at the end." Jennie inhales shakily. "But I heard it. He loves you. Even though you don't let him up on the bed or the couch," she adds facetiously.

"I think he loves you. And maybe I'll let him on the couch and bed now. He's a hero." After a pause to collect some dropped thoughts I add, "We'll need to get a six-seater to fit all three of us on it."

She laughs. "I think he's happy with how things are, he's got everything he needs. Or he will when you come home." Jennie turns my hand over and kisses the underside of my wrist, my palm. "I spoke to my lawyer and he says home defense laws apply with Buckie, so nothing's going to happen to him. The city might keep an eye on him in case he has a complete personality change and decides to terrorize the public. I told my lawyer that based on the dog I know, that would never happen."