The Heart Wants What It Wants

Chapter Six

In the safety of my bedroom, I quickly strip out of my clothes and toss them in the hamper. My shower is borderline too hot, but I want that discomfort, I need it to wash the day from my skin. I need to wash away the emotion that's been dredged up by everything that happened today. Compartmentalizing is not only part of my job, but it's also something I've always found easy. Until today. These things on their own would be easy to place into separate compartments—seeing Jennie for the first time since the breakup, her incident, her arrival on my doorstep—but cumulatively they've broken down my usually solid walls and left me feeling like I'm teetering on the edge of a cliff.

I pull on sweats and a tee, and am about to leave the room when something twigs. After a few moments of consideration I pull off my tee and put on a bra. Jennie is where I left her and still being kept company by Buck who's pressed against the leg of the breakfast-bar stool, either still in his I love you phase or hoping for dropped cheese. Probably both. I make sure I say a quiet, "Jen?" before I approach.

She turns slightly to the side. "Mmm?"

"You okay?" I glance at the plate, which is empty aside from the crusts. Jennie doesn't like bread crusts. I should have remembered that.

"Yeah. Thanks for the late dinner." She offers me a smile. "You were right. I needed to eat something."

"No worries." I drop the crusts into Buckley's bowl, which makes him briefly abandon Jennie to hoover them up, and climb up onto a stool beside her. "So...what are your plans exactly? Are you going to hide out fully in here for a few weeks and never leave the house? Or will you go out?" Christmas is in three weeks and while her being here won't interfere with my nonexistent personal plans, I'm sure she's got something arranged.

Jennie rests an elbow on the counter. "I think I'll hide out for a few days until I don't feel like things are going to jump out of the shadows at me. Then I'll have to go back to normal. Or normal-ish." Her teeth graze her lower lip. "It's more just that my home address is known, and not just to these people but to anyone who knows how to Google such things. It's secure, but I still don't want to be there alone."

Secure. I think about the security of my house, which I've always considered safe. Only my backyard is fenced, not that a fence is really that much of a deterrent. But I do have an alarm, sensor lights and cameras, deadbolts, and security screens on my windows. And Buckley, if he can be called security. "I can understand that. But I don't think locking yourself away in here will be good for you." Jennie loves the outdoors, sunshine, cool breezes, movement, being with people.

"I won't spend the whole time just hiding inside." She brightens a fraction, her expression turning almost slyly teasing. "I have to go out to exercise and see the sun, and I need to do my Poké-chores. This house is a dead spot for Pokémon and PokéStops and if I sit around here instead of going out, my progress is going to hardcore stall."

I suppress my guffaw. "I can't believe you still play Pokémon Go."

She lightly punches my arm. "Hey, you have your games and I have mine."

"True." It would be so easy to get into a familiar back-and-forth about our different hobbies and how we used to spend time together but doing different things. We have as much not in common as we do in common and when we first started dating, those discoveries were fresh and exciting. I idly wonder if she has any new hobbies, but just as quickly tell myself it doesn't matter.

After a quick study of my face, Jennie climbs off the stool. "Mind if I take a look around and refamiliarize myself with everything before bed?"

Nothing in this house has changed and knowing me, she'd know that. But my ex-girlfriend is very good at reading a room and changing the mood to make things more comfortable for all present. So I nod my agreement, shelve my relief at the subject change, and slide off my stool.