Paint Me (GXG) ✒️

25

By the time we got to our destination, I had come to a conclusion. I had come to the conclusion that it was for the best I go with the flow. In all honesty, I didn't want to be away from her. It was easier to convince myself that being away from her was the best thing when she wasn't around, and I couldn't look at her. But having her right there with me was a completely different situation. It was like all I could really think about was her.

The new restaurant was lowkey, and looked like a spot you must have searched for before you found it. "I drove around looking for a special place I could take you to," she said so casually, innocent of how my stomach churned at those words and how my heart wanted to jolly but somehow ache.

I nodded with a smile but didn't reply.

"Do you not like it here?' she asked, looking worried as she stopped a couple of steps from the door to look me dead in the eyes.

I quickly averted my gaze as I replied, "No."

She nodded, continuing to walk in. We sat in the general restaurant, and that surprised me a lot. I was trying so hard to not be too forward and keep my distance, even though I wanted to go with the flow. But I couldn't resist asking, "Are you sure you want to eat out here? Because I recall you telling me you..."

"I am trying new things," she cut me off with a smile, leaning forward to touch my hands as she added, "And besides you are here with me, I do not have to be so conscious."

I could feel sparks flow through my body from the gentle touch, so I quickly pulled my arm, sitting on it, so I could stop the sensation. I nodded and replied, "But, this is a big big step."

She nodded; her smile distant.

I nodded, trying to keep my smile on. The silence between us was both tensed and awkward, I shifted on my chair; removing my hand from beneath me, feeling the strong urge to get up and return to my hostel.

The menu arrived at the right moment, so I escaped for that awkward moment. The menu was pretty affordable, it was obvious she had me in mind when she was bringing me to that restaurant, but I also knew she was also still going to try to pay for both of us; so, it still was pointless. The waiter didn't leave our side, so I settled for their 'special fried rice'.

Fareedah pointed to what she wanted to order; the waiter left after saying out our order to ensure what we wanted. After that, we went back to sitting in silence. I picked up my phone and got busy with it, while Fareedah simply sat there.

Soon enough, our food arrived and we ate in silence. I was honestly hoping I do not get stomach upset from the food, because of the tension on the table. I felt Fareedah's constant stare, but I by all means ensured that I didn't meet her eyes.

It wasn't until Fareedah was driving into her compound that everything settled in very weel for me. It had been silence and stares, and that had been fine for me, but here I was at her place again. "Why am I here?"

Fareedah had a frown on as she parked the car. "But this is where we come to after we hangout," she said, but it sounded more like an unsure statement. "You spend the place at my apartment, right? Or do you want me to spend time at your hostel? I don't mind."

I shook my head as I quickly said, "No, you are getting this all wrong."

"How?"

"Lady, the last time I was here, you told me you wanted me out."

Fareedah went silent and as usual, she tried to get out of the discussion by getting out of the car and leaving the topic undiscussed.

"The moment you step out of this car, I am leaving and never speaking to you again.

Her face fell as she closed the door right back and sat back down. "I'm sorry."

"It isn't about you saying 'I'm sorry' Fareedah, it's about you opening up and letting both of us see what we could do about it."

Fareedah chuckled lowly as she said, "Feels strange to hear you call out my name."

It wasn't until she said it, I realized that I had called her name in the heat of the moment. I still had my frown on as I looked away from her, not replying her.

She chuckled again as she replied, "I honestly can't just open up." With that, she got out of the car, and rested on her car.

I got out of the car with a sigh, going to stand next to her as she rested on the bonnet of the car. "I have gotten so used to being the listening person in whatever relationship I got into, that now being want to be heard is so weird. I don't want anyone figuring out what I am avoiding and then having to face it. First, I didn't even know we were going to get so close. Honestly, deep down I thought you were like everyone else. But then, I found myself hoping you weren't like them, and then I found myself finding it hard to mot be attached to you." She sighed. "Please be patient, when I find the strength to, I will."

I began to feel bad for everything. It seemed like I had been self-centered and didn't think of her feelings and what she had to go through. I sighed. "Promise?"

She nodded with a smile.

I nodded also.