my online lover

verity

We are in the library studying, just the two of us because Antonio had to do a teat-a-teat with one of the teachers. Apparently, they had a little fight in between lessons about something I didn't understand about.

However, I smile at the guy next to me. «What?» My voice is a bit too loud but right now I don't care.

Giacomo smiles a bit. «I have been thinking that if after his studies we want to live, we should first see if cohabitation works.»

I nod. He is not wrong. I think when you are with someone is easy to say I will be with them forever and I can't wait to live with them but actually doing it is totally different. Mostly if you have had your own space for a long time and Antonio has always had problems with sharing. Once we went on summer holidays together and he kicked me out of the house once because he was feeling too tight and he felt no self-space. So I had to spend hours on the beach until he was back to normal and I could head back to the house.

«It won't be easy. I mean, the living together thing. He is hard when it's about sharing but I think you know that too. He will probably be super happy about it but do not give up on him when the hard moments start to level up.»

Giacomo sighs and nods looking at his hands. «I know. We had some discussions when we had some weekends together. It's not easy, mostly when he is the messy one and me the organised one.»

I chuckle and hold his hand. «It's going to be okay. You both love each other, you'll be fine with that.»

It's still deep for me to know that they will leave, once Antonio has finished his studies. I have the feeling nothing will be the same once he will go. He and I have been always together since we met and the moment he will go, there will be just me. And I am still not ready for that but I will never let him know that because he needs to go with a relief chest.

When I go back to study, my head is suddenly full of thoughts that lead me away from focusing. I am still trying to think how is it possible that Kevin cannot leave his father behind, expose him or just leave him. I mean, I would never do that with my father, of course, but we have a different relationship and my dad is not being corrupted and even if someone tries, he hasn't the heart for that.

I think there is something deeper under the skin and I need to find it out.

—

It's Monday again and the week already started badly.

The weather today is what Milan is famous for, rainy. When I wake up, I don't feel the sun on my skin, I just feel it has never been morning. The sky is filled with dark grey clouds and it's already raining, probably for hours. I am still laying in my bed, trying to find the strength to stand up and get ready. I have had conflicts between staying at home and still going to lessons; this would have been a challenge for me, leaving the house even if the weather is bad. I am putting together my life and I can't let the rain get me.

I leave my bed, run into the bathroom and shower. When I am out, I feel like a new person and ready to fight whoever will try to get in my way. I try to call Antonio, to ask if he is coming but he hasn't reply my calls and text since he had a talk with the teacher and I am thinking that he will take some days to stay by himself.

He always does that when he wants to avoid unnecessary discussions or fights.

I remember once on our first days in university, he fought with some dude because he called him faggot. I was also so mad with the guy, but I tried to tell Antonio that starting a fight is not the answer. He never listened to me at the beginning but once he almost lost the year for his behaviour, he started to ignore them. And by ignore, I mean to stay at home until he feels okay.