this is me trying

Chapter 16 - Hurter and Healer

"Hey," I said to her, still my head nuzzled into her shoulder.

"Hi," she replied, kissing my cheek.

"How much time do you have?" I asked.

"Not long. We have a team meeting in 20 minutes." I looked over to Ona and Mapi, who were also both embraced in a hug.

"But I'll see you tomorrow?" I confirmed.

"Of course. Are you going to be at the game?" she said, sarcastically. I laughed softly before nodding my head.

"Yes... are you?"

"Of course. I'll be the one beating you." She laughed as she said this, obviously being sarcastic. I grabbed her hand, before squeezing it tightly.

"You wish."

The next day we played Spain. We sat in the locker room together, before we were set to go out. I counted my laces, although this stipulation had been becoming less and less important each time I went to endeavour upon this chore. I started to care less. It started to not compel me quite as much, but yet, I still knew it had to be done.

I put my white jersey on, with the number 22 and Valtersen written on the back.

"Eva," my manager said to me, "a quick word?" I walked over to him, unsure what he was going to say.

"Now, Eva, you seem prepared. Right?"

"Yes," I replied.

"And your leg feels okay? We don't want to push it so I will be taking you off in the 60th most likely."

"Yeah, okay."

"Okay good. One more thing, I know of your relationship with Ona Batlle. Am I correct?"

"I guess," I replied, unsure of where this was going.

"I assume your priorities are still in line."

"What are you trying to say?" I asked, confused.

"Look, Eva, I'm going to try to say this as nicely as possible, but we know of your... situation. We know the way your brain works, let's just say. We want to keep it as clear as possible, especially during a game. Distractions aren't good for you. You need your head in it, and I want to make sure your head is in it, during this game. It's important." 

"What do you mean 'how my brain works'?" My manager looked at me, before sighing.

"Eva..."

"No, just, no. My brain is none of your business. I'm here to do my job and I always do it. So, let's just move on." He nodded his head, and I raced out of the locker room, flying down the halls, trying to calm the pain in my heart, and hurt in my head. I hadn't thought about any of those things before. I hadn't thought about the possible complications versing Ona may bring for my team. But, worst of all, why would he say it to me, and not Ingrid? It was to do with one thing: my brain.

I knew it was fucked up. I always knew it to be. No one else thinks the way I do. But that also means that no one understands it, including him. Including my manager.

I soon sat down, in one of the many corridors of the stadium, looking at the wall ahead of me. I checked my watch to see it read 5:30, only 30 minutes until kick off. I knew I had to clean myself up. I knew I had to pull myself together.

Before I could, however, a face started walking down the hall.

"Eva?" someone called out. When I looked up, I saw someone I didn't know I was to see. Alexia. Alexia Putellas.

"Oh, hi," I soon said, standing up. "I should go."

"Is everything okay? Should I get Ona?"

"No," I said, hastily, not wanting to worry Ona with what had just happened.