Forgive me for each halting line

Ⅲ

But it's alright. The sooner Kaveh gathers enough references, the sooner he can begin the portrait in earnest. And the sooner he'd be done with this whole mess. He'd be lying if he says the initial guilt of tricking Alhaitham's grandmother wasn't beginning to fade away, and he'd also be lying if he said the Alpha with all his quirks and self-centered mannerisms weren't beginning to grow on him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to go back to his old life.

So here he sits, in the seat opposite to Alhaitham as the latter reads his book of the day, the half-finished meal before him almost completely forgotten. It's quite tricky, balancing his sketchbook at the edge of the dining table at just the right angle for his wrist to sit comfortably against the parchment, but the blond ultimately manages.

Today, Kaveh decides, he's going to touch up on his sketches from last time to capture the tinier details of Alhaitham's features. The tiny things that made portraits feel alive, and the subject's personality shine through the stillness of the canvas.

"You never told me about your family." Alhaitham suddenly says without looking up from his book.

"What's there to tell?" Kaveh sighs, keeping his eyes fixed on the little strokes he was making on the parchment. "My mother died giving birth to me. My father was a lesser lord. He disowned me when I presented as an Omega. Nothing more, nothing less."

Kaveh has gotten quite used to recounting this particular story. It's been years, but there's still a heavy weight on his chest whenever he recalls his past, constricting his throat and making it a bit harder to breathe. "No condolences, please. I'm quite happy with my current life."

Alhaitham doesn't say anything, but he stares at Kaveh like he's waiting for him to elaborate. So Kaveh does, partially to humor the Alpha, and partially to fill what had now become uncomfortable silence.

"Well, if I hadn't presented as an Omega, and I were still my father's son..." The soft scratching sounds his pencil makes against the paper suddenly sound so distant to him, and he barely realizes when he's stopped drawing entirely, far too lost in his thoughts. "I'd most likely have become his heir. I'd have to set aside my passions in life in favor of doing what was right and proper in the eyes of that family. Pwah. That's no way to live, constrained by the shackles of what's to be expected of one."

Alhaitham hums noncommittally as he turns a page of his book. "Some of us prefer a stable life. In a world fraught with unpredictability and tragedy, would striving for peace be so bad?"

"Yes, but at what cost?" Kaveh rolls his wrist before continuing to draw again. He decides he's shaded a certain part of Alhaitham's hair a bit too darkly, and takes a moment to fix the section. "You can go on all day about risk mitigation and stability and the likes, but once everything is fixed and done and everything is in its place in the world, are you happy with yourself?"

"Can you be happy with yourself if nothing is right in your world?" Alhaitham quietly retorts.

"Everything is just fine in my world, thank you." Kaveh says, a bit too sharply.

The other man huffs softly in a pseudo-laugh. "It sure doesn't seem that way."

There's a sharp sound as Kaveh nearly slams his pencil against the wooden dining table in front of him. Best to keep himself from drawing any more before he makes a horrible mistake in his sketches due to frustration. "Hah. You're not exactly the pinnacle of joy yourself. When was the last time you talked to someone instead of looking down at them?"

Alhaitham looked up from his book to stare straight up into the Omega's scarlet eyes. "Right now."

Kaveh wants to bite back something along the lines of 'arguing isn't talking', but unfortunately, he's forced to admit that it is. To spite the Alpha, Kaveh snaps his mouth shut and refuses to talk for a good twenty minutes or so.

"You're not wrong, you know." The blond finally sighs when he sets his pencil aside once more—this time to give his hands a small break. "I wouldn't say there's nothing I'd like to change, but if there was anything I could change, it would be the cruelty of it all."

Alhaitham blinks rapidly before looking up from his book. He frowns in puzzlement. "What do you mean?"

"Don't you think it's awful, how we're forced into these little roles because of something so arbitrary as secondary gender?" Kaveh snorts loudly, rolling his head back in an attempt to work out the kink in his neck from looking down for an extended amount of time, "If you ask me, if I could, I'd rid all of us of this stupid biological game we're forced to play."

"You're smart enough to know that there's little to no hope for you to change anything," The implications are clear—Kaveh isn't much more than an Omega; in society's eyes, he's no more than a creature to look pretty and bear pups for his mate, regardless of how smart or eloquent or charming or talented he may be—but there's no prejudice or malice behind Alhaitham's words, so Kaveh isn't upset. At least, not really, "so why bother concerning yourself with other's woes?"

"I can't see why I shouldn't at least try. Even if all I can do is have my own identity outside of being an Omega." Kaveh gives a half-hearted shrug as he picks up his pencil again. "And who knows, maybe I'll have a chance to do something about it in the future. Change the world for the better."

The return to relative silence, and this time, the Alpha gives Kaveh about an hour and a half to do whatever he needs to do, before rising to his feet with a loud sigh. During this time, Kaveh captures the tiniest details of Alhaitham's features, from the way the tips of his hair gently curled up at the ends, to how if one looked closely, they might spot the way his lips just barely curled up into the faintest of smiles at the edges.

This time, Kaveh decides he wants to capture the colors that made up Alhaitham. Sure, the artificial, dim lighting here in the library was far different from the warm glow of sunshine in the garden, but it will unfortunately have to do for now.

He forgoes his sketchbook in favor of a small canvas he brought with him, and his paint set.

Alhaitham forgoes conversation altogether in favor of whichever book he was drowning himself in this time. It's quiet, but it's alright; the silence between them is comfortable, with each of them doing what they enjoy doing. No rhetorical questions about art, or mentions of societal issues pertaining to the politics regarding secondary gender; it is just Alhaitham with his book, and Kaveh with his paintbrush.

And yet, despite the fact that neither of them have spoken a word almost the entire time, for the first time, Kaveh feels like he's sitting with a friend and not some Alpha who was paying him for some stupid commission.

Kaveh almost hopes they'd be friends after this whole ordeal.

"Would you like some tea?" Alhaitham finally looks up from his book, wincing as he rolls his shoulders. Who knows how long he'd been hunched over that book like that. Kaveh nods.

"Yes, thank you."

The blond finds it interesting that Alhaitham doesn't call for a maid like one might expect of a pampered aristocrat, but he instead gets up and returns a few moments later, holding a tray with a small tea pot, a pair of cups and a small platter of sweets.

He places it down on the table between them, wordlessly pours himself and Kaveh a cup. He sets the tea in front of the Omega, and sits back down in his spot, his own cup in hand.

Kaveh gives Alhaitham a warm smile. "Thank you."

The other man nods. "You're welcome."

Kaveh has always enjoyed the process of bringing his drawings to life with color, but he finds himself delighting when he gets the silver of the Lord's hair just right, or how he's able to capture the precise contrast between the Alpha's pale skin and the kohl rimming his eyes. But he's especially fond of how he finally nails the exact shade of pink dusting his cheeks.