In Too Deep (Dancing With The Shadows)

twenty

"You have me," Harry bites out.

Louis gets it. They're both stressed out about what will be after this. But that doesn't give Harry the right to take it out all on him being in the bloody closet.

Louis sighs, pinching his eyes. "Do I?" he whispers. "Because what'll happen once you leave, Harry? Because a shit ton of people that stay here never call again, they never look back. How do I know you're any different?"

"Because I– I care for you, Lou! Is that not enough?"

"I don't know, Curly. I honestly don't know," he voices, sounding exhausted.

He doesn't want this chat now, but he knows it has to happen. And with each tick of the clock, brings them closer to the end so it's best to get it out the way now, so they can move forward.

"Why?" Harry strains, pained.

"Harry, listen to me." Louis pulls Harry's sunbed closer to his, resting his hand on his smooth shaven leg. "This place, is all I have left, yes?"

Harry shakes his head. "Is it, though?"

Louis rolls his eyes, cannot help himself. "Love, this is the last fucking thing I have to hold on that holds the ghost of Owen. His memory, lives on within the cracks of those slates by the pool, in the chips of the wooden floors in that darn house, and in the grains of dirt in those woods. Without it, where will he be?"

"In your heart. In your love for him," Harry states.

Louis is shaking his head. "What if one day I forget everything he was? Fuckin' hell, Harry, I've already started to stop being able to remember his voice! Do you know how painful and shitty that makes me? And it's not just Owen. This place is the only thing keeping my family from crumbling into debt."

Harry tilts his head. "Surely the shit ton of money you guys have keeps you from doing so."

Louis laughs, humourless. "It's fake! There's no money behind our name. It's all a show, Dad fucked majority of the money off from doing up the cottages and keeping the horses. The old money we had from Granddad is barely there anymore. One of Dad's cards went bankrupt and fell through. There's nothing much left, and the only thing keeping us standing is these small getaways you guys do. When Dad retires, it's me that has to take it on. If I don't, we have nothing."

Harry heaves a sigh. "You don't need this place to make you money. Louis, tell me the truth, is this job— keeping this place alive—your dream?"

Is it?

Louis has to think for a moment.

He adores this place and would never want it leaving his family's name. But is it truly what he wants to do? The answer is no.

What he really dreams is to travel. Leave this darn country and its gloomy memories. He wants to see the places Owen would natter about after school from his friend Aaron who's Dad was in the military. They would travel a lot and Owen would come home telling Louis all these stories about how he wanted to go to Australia and pet a koala, go to Japan to see Mario. He wanted to go to Disney World and Disney Land— Louis cannot for the life of him remember which was which.

He also wants to write songs go to acting classes and pursue in his dramatic personality.

But what he wants and what he needs are two completely different scenarios. And what he needs is what he will stick by.

"No," he simply answers. "But I can't put everything our family is on hold just to fulfill a pathetic fantasy."

Harry looks taken back. "Wow. So I'm just a pathetic fantasy?"