✅ Over Protected

26. Alice Tests a Feeling

The first sensation I felt was just warmth. The water was locked away from my skin, just like all the ads promised, and it was actually pretty comfortable. Obviously it wasn't the same as a real accident; but I could see as I taped it up again that some of the pawprints on the middle of the diaper were starting to fade away; an indicator that I was wet now. Mum would see it, and Sarah might see it. The diaper wasn't noticeably heavier with just half a glass of water in it, so it wasn't sagging or anything, but I was sure my sister would think I'd wet the bed. She might feel sympathy, or she might tease me a little, I didn't know. But I was sure that I wanted to find out now. I wanted to know how she would react, and more importantly, how it would make me feel. Curiosity had always been a big part of my personality, and now it was pulling me in directions I had never expected.

I put on my cutest dressing gown before I went downstairs. It was lavender, and had a teddy bear embroidered on the pocket to match my diaper. It was also a little threadbare, and it was only because it had good memories attached that Mum had allowed me to keep it two years ago, when it had stopped reaching my knees. It fell open as soon as I sat down at the kitchen table, and I knew that my diaper was on show, but I tried to act like I didn't care. And much to my surprise, the excitement about trying something new today was easily enough to overwhelm any embarrassment. They could see me, they might know I was wet, and I really didn't mind. Even if I knew it wasn't real, it just made me feel so helpless.

They didn't say anything. I was kind of glad about that, but it just kept me wondering if they had noticed. They had to have seen, surely? I thought my face had to have been red like a traffic light as I sipped my apple juice.

Mum presented me with a bowl of one of those sugary cereals with little bits of primary-coloured popping candy. The box said that it was enriched with all the vitamins a growing kid would need, and the back of the box had a comic strip about some nerd getting bullied at school, eating his cereal, and then magically turning into a firefighter. It didn't make much sense; but maybe once my critical thinking was impaired a little, I would be entertained by such simple stories again. I wondered if I was thinking slower now. Would I notice, or would it be subtle to start with? I could feel a little tingling where the warm diaper pressed against me, but that was probably just my imagination. It was hard to think about anything else when I could imagine the drugs surging into my system, and I had no idea which ones those would be.

"Hey, baby sis!" I twitched and almost fell out of my seat when Sarah punched me lightly in the arm. "You're in a world of your own there, like I'm talking to myself."

"Oh!" I muttered, trying to remember what she'd been saying; but I hadn't been paying any attention at all. "Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying?"

"Nothing important," she said, and then looked up. Mum wasn't nearby; she was doing her usual thing, buzzing around the house to catch up on the chores while munching on a bagel.

"Sorry," I said. "I should listen better."

"No, it's fine. But are you okay? I can see you're embarrassed. I know it can be overwhelming, Mummy treating you like a baby. If it's too much for you, I'll tell her it's not fair. I mean, I think she'd listen to me more if it's not my punishment. If you think this is too over the top..."

"No, I mean..." I stammered. I had to tell her something, I didn't want her to worry about me. "I know it's weird. But when I saw Mum giving you so much attention, babying you, I was kind of jealous. And I think she knows that. So... if she wants to treat me like a kid for as long as I need this..." I gestured to indicate the diaper, and blushed all over again as I remembered that it was still wet. "Until the virus gives up on me, I'm okay with her treating me like a baby. I mean, it makes her happy, right? Kind of making up the bits we missed when we were little."

"Oh, right." She seemed not to understand for a moment, and then shrugged. "Well, if it helps you deal with the problem, I guess it's no big deal. But if she goes over the top, let me know. Got to look out for my baby sis."

"Yeah," I giggled. There was something weird about her calling me a baby. It made me feel warm inside, this wholesome contentment that I'd never expected. And I knew that I wanted to keep on feeling that. All the embarrassment was one thing; but it was that feeling of being smaller, of my big sister wanting to protect me and of being the centre of Mum's world, that really convinced me this was the life I wanted.

I chewed a spoonful of cereal, feeling the candy pieces popping against my tongue. It was only a little thing; a breakfast we'd seen in the shops enough times, but didn't usually buy. Something that would appeal more to a little kid, and because of that it made me feel smaller just eating it. It was amazing how the smallest details could make it feel real, like I was actually turning into a baby again. Mum must have thought about that; maybe it was even one of the suggestions in that massive guidebook. I imagined that it would be even more persuasive if I didn't know that there was anything intentional about my newfound childishness.

Sarah asked something else, but I wasn't paying attention again. I felt a little twitch, like the last jerk of one hand as I fell asleep, and it took me a second to realise that the movement came from my bladder. I had let a little pee escape, even if I didn't need to go that badly. I instinctively tried to clamp down, and felt no response from those muscles at all. My eyes went wide and my mouth hung open as I felt the stream flowing out to soak my diaper even more. I realised that this must be the drugs in the diaper kicking in, having a much more dramatic effect than I had expected. And no matter how hard I tried, there was nothing I could do to stop it.