THANK ME FOR LEAVING YOU
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It was five years ago when you confessed how my mere existence affected you.
Your eyes were pleading and your voice was too firm as if your mouth fluently memorized all the words within your heart. Yet, I've always known how nervous you were when I saw your hands shaking terribly even though you tried so hard to hide it behind you.
I was a little bit shocked and amazed by the fact that someone could like me but the deeper truth was your feelings, however sincere, couldn't touch my heart. Your confession did not shake me at all because I was into someone else. I was never sorry for turning you down because that was the wisest decision to spare you from too much heartbreak...like I said I liked someone else and my heart knew I couldn't reciprocate the love you had for me.
But you were persistent and stealing my attention was your favorite crime. I never liked you but you made a crack inside me when I started seeking your constant messages in which I haven't received any that certain night of realization.
I tried to read back our exchange messages for four long years. I was hoping to convince myself that my soul felt nothing for you and that maybe I was just used to the daily conversation we had. It was why I was quite sad and bothered when you hadn't sent any of it
But who am I fooling? Reading back all my jolly replies, I knew better. It was a little bit late to admit but I fell.
I fell for your daily display of disturbance. I secretly liked your humor and your patience which I tested so many times. I love your consistency and you have captivated my soul in your own sneaky way. Maybe, I was living my 23 years of existence single and contented because I had you. You hooked me up so intense and just when I finally accepted what I am feeling for you, you were nowhere to be found.
Days turned to weeks and weeks become months. I waited for your message but none was received. I was constantly haunted by the ghost of you and the remnants of what we had. Like we were so happy messaging each other yesterday and the moment I thought of confessing, you were gone. I was trying to justify your actions just so I could cease myself from hating you for making me felt that way. There was no label between us and so you have the right to leave without proper goodbye because there was never an us. Believe me I tried but your absence created a hollow space in me that missing you made me eventually despise you.
It was hard for me to block you on my social media accounts but it was all for my peace. Seeing you active every single day without replies for the friendly messages I have sent to you was a real torture. I had so many what ifs for us. I was lost of thinking what I have done so wrong for you to suddenly treat me like some strangers you seen-zoned in your inbox. I never asked for your presence yet you bugged me every minute. I didn't expect for your efforts but you bombed me with all of it genuinely. How could you declare you love me yesterday when all you did is to ignore me today? You left me hanging in tears when you were just uninvited stranger at first.
4 months after blocking you, I was getting okay. I was in the process of healing so I decided to unblocked you. Your immediate message surprised me. You were talking to me as if you didn't break me. How thick faced of you for being grateful of what I've done.
How could you be so cruel! I was barely trying to leave ignoring the unfilled spaces of you. I was almost breathing fine and yet you came like a storm to destroy me after I hardly survive from forcing myself to move forward.
Your words were gentle but it broke me again like I wasn't broken enough. You were saying thank you for the space I have given you because you found yourself. You finally had seen your worth and that your love for me which you thought was eternal, finally ended. The feeling you pursued for years eventually faded! After you burst all your love for me, it drained out. I couldn't forget how you thanked me for letting you love me until you could love me no more. It was as if you bombed me with your love and when you burst it all out, it flew together with the wind like dust getting disposed...of no use and unworthy to be kept.
Indeed, you should thank me for leaving you because you got out from the hurting. I should thank me for leaving you because you would be spared from the discomforts of love. At last! You fell out for the love you felt since time immemorial. What brain disease made you forget that it was you who ghosted me first! Now we're back to being strangers but with memories of yesterday.
You stupidly thanked me for leaving you without thinking I had fallen for you too.
