«It's just a suggestion. It's your life, your mind and your choices. We're just living in it.» He winks at me and then hugs me before going into two different ways.
I huff looking up at the sky and see a lot of stars. There will be a sunny day tomorrow and I have always had this weird thought about the starry sky. I don't even remember who told me about it. It's just an automatic thought.
How do I change? How do I create the best version of myself? I don't even know if I like the way I am. People keep saying it's your life but you should do this. Like they can pretend to be perfect when I am not. I ended up believing them. That everything I do is wrong. I should have done that instead of this, I should have said this instead of that. And stuff like this.
I pretend to not be insecure because I believe that one day I actually start to not be. But I have tried this for years and today I still have problems with whatever my mind says to me to do or tell.
You're on your own, kid.
—
When I am back home, I expected to see my father and Marina. Instead, there is neither of them.
I look at the time and they should be here at any moment so I take advantage of the time left and go to shower and shampoo. I pass by my room to drop off my stuff and then I run directly into the shower where I spend about a half hour and I don't even hear my father coming back.
He tries to call me but I am full of hot water and music, The only thing I can hear is the song pushing the wall. When I am out of the shower, I lower the music and that's when I start to hear noises from the house. To I speed up getting ready and I skip the hair drying.
When I am out of the bathroom, I reach the living room where my father is checking some posts.
«Hey.»
He looks up at me and smiles. «There you are.»
«Sorry, I was showering.»
His expression is weird. Different. Like something happened and now he is trying to pick up the pieces.
«Is everything okay?»
He nods and sits on the sofa. «How was your day?»
«Boring. Stressful. Both of them.» I sit next to him and he caresses my wet hair.
«I had to deal with a twenty-five boy who got shot. He didn't make it.»
I shiver. This is not the first time he tells me something like this and every time is like that person was someone important to me. Maybe is the way my father talks about it. Now I can also understand his mood. Every time a young kid died, he thinks of me. He pictures me in the same situation and he comes back home devastated, even if I am right in front of him.
My dad is not looking away. «He was from the dark sides of this city. He was defending his mother and got shot in the chest, right next to the heart. The bullet hit one of the main veins and...»
I take his hand. «You don't have to tell me everything. Also, I am here. My life is too boring to experience something like that.»
He is not laughing. He is looking at me very seriously and I am sensing a lecture. «It's not funny, Enede. You don't wanna be in that situation. None of us wants it. Mostly a parent. His mother is devastated and she feels guilty.»
«I was just trying to ease the tension. I know it's not something to joke about.»
Then we both stop talking until I say something again. «Marina?»
YOU ARE READING
my online lover
RomanceWhen Enede comes across Kevin at first she thinks that life is giving her so many joys. She meets him on Tinder and she hates Tinder but somehow she finds herself talking to him while in her life everything is taking shape and is adjusting, like her...
feeling free
Start from the beginning
