this is me trying

Chapter 10 - A Decade Gone

"Yeah. I met someone." As I said this, their faces lit up, and I was soon led into the living room, Pappa making us all cups of warm cocoa, as I was encouraged to tell the story. Tell the story of Ona, for Mamma and Pappa to hear.

"She sounds..." Mamma started to say.

"Incredible? Perfect? Amazing?" I said, laughing softly.

"Right," Mamma responded. "She sounds right for you. Exactly what you need."

"Eva Bear," Pappa then said, "we love you, so much, more than anything, and if this is who you love, we love her too." I smiled at my dad, reaching to grab his hand and interlock it with my own.

"We also have a surprise," Pappa said, turning to me after we finished our conversation about Ona.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Oh yes," Mamma said, standing up. "We do. Come here." I stood up, very confused, and as I walked outside, Mamma hid away.

"Where'd she go?" I asked Pappa.

"Hold on a moment," he replied. "She's coming back." A few moments later, Mamma returned, holding a dog in her arms. The dog had golden fur, and was as fluffing as one could be. It looked to be a cross bread, between a husky and golden retriever. It was the cutest little animal I had ever seen.

"Oh my god," I soon said, covering my mouth with my hands. "You guys got a puppy?"

"We got a puppy," Mamma answered. I reached my arms out, holding the animal in my arms.

"She's a girl," Pappa said, patting the dog's head as I held it close to my heart.

"What's her name?" I asked.

"Elske," Pappa responded. Elske. Elske, in Norwegian, means love.

"I love it," I responded, holding the dog up to my face, and letting it lick me softly. "Hi Elske."

"Nora always wanted a golden retriever," Mamma then said, as we brought the dog inside.

"But we thought a husky might be a better idea, you know, in this climate," Pappa added.

"So we get a cross," Mamma laughed.

"She would've loved her," I said, as Elske sat on my lap.

"Do you guys ever pretend she's still here?" I asked them, a few hours later before I was to head up to bed.

"What do you mean?" Mamma asked.

"Sometimes I create stories in my head, of a life she could've and should've lived."

"How so?"

"Like, she didn't pass away, but actually she's just at university in Oslo. Or, she moved to Canada. Or anything like that. Is that stupid?" Pappa smiled softly at me, as if he understood exactly what I was saying.

"That's not stupid," Pappa said. "That's normal."

"Really?"

"You were young," he then said. "And it's okay to feel as if she deserved a life. She deserved to experience adulthood. I did the same thing, for many years after she passed. But you can't do it for long because soon enough those dreams will cloud your judgement, and you will completely forget that you are pretending and then believe it to be reality. But it's not. It's not reality." A tear soon formed down my face, and as I wiped it away, I couldn't help another one form.

"Right now, it doesn't feel like she's gone, and I know that as soon as I start telling people that she is, I will lose her." I burrowed my head into Elske's fluffy body, and Mamma soon came over and sat beside me, resting a hand on my back.