✅ Over Protected

23. Alice Takes Risks

It was hard to pay attention to either what I was hearing, or what I was reading. But I heard Mum hesitate, suddenly sounding uncertain. I heard Sarah ask what was wrong, and Mum mumble something too quietly for me to make out the words.

"Okay, sweetie," the words through the wall sounded kind and maternal again. Just like they had a couple of minutes before. "Now, do you want to do your homework, or will you need an early night? I'll call the school and tell them you've not been well if you need a break."

"I'll do it," Sarah snapped. "I'll get the cleaning stuff. Leave me alone." I heard the door click open, and the floor creaking as they both left the room.

Then I could smile. Mum hadn't insisted on more punishment; that was an important change. She wanted to punish Sarah; she wanted an excuse to treat her more like a baby. It wasn't just about stopping her causing any more trouble, that was what I'd missed at first. But now that Mum knew that Sarah wasn't likely to wet herself any time soon, she could probably also see a future where she had to admit what she'd been doing. She was getting nervous; and my biggest worry was that I'd poked the bear too hard. I could have turned into a rebel, at least in Mum's eyes. And I was clearly breaking the rules now, there was no way she could think it was a mistake.

I took a deep breath, and looked down at the book. Then I flipped forward to the next bookmark, and looked at which page it was on. I tried to read, and to understand, but after a minute or two I heard a gentle tap on my door.

"Alice, sweetie?" Mum's voice came from the landing. "Can we talk?"

I took a deep breath, turned my chair around, and walked over to open the door. I knew I could be in so much trouble now. I told myself that I'd only interfered because it was necessary. Because I wanted to protect my sister. But I knew that wasn't the whole truth. Another breath, and I opened the door.

"What's up?" I said, and I wasn't surprised that Mum walked into my room. She was back in her dressing gown now; she must have gotten changed while Sarah was lifting her diapers and changing supplies out of the drawer.

"What are these?" Mum said, reaching into her pocket and holding up a pack of baby wipes. I'd bought them on impulse in the supermarket a couple of days before, thinking that I could use them when I changed into the last of my 'real' diapers. The pack was thicker but smaller than the ones Mum normally kept in her pocket. They were lightly scented, and notably didn't have a big health warning about the chemicals they were impregnated with. I'd been able to see them from the corner of my eye ten minutes before, when Mum started arguing with Sarah about whether she needed to wear diapers during the day.

"They look like baby wipes," I said with a shrug. I was so nervous now, I couldn't believe I was doing this. But I couldn't get scared and say nothing this time, because she already knew I'd touched stuff that wasn't mine. I hadn't really had time to think it through thoroughly, but I'd known that I needed some way to make myself say what was on my mind. Still, it was hard to talk. It felt like Mum would have to force the accusation out of me; but I didn't think she would just leave it like that.

"They aren't the same ones I keep in my pocket," she said. "Did you swap them? I need to get Sarah cleaned up properly. I don't want to discover in the middle of a change that I've not got..."

"There's a warning on the other ones," I said. "They contain topical lysentripase. I was worried about Sarah if you keep using them."

"Alice," she said. "It's good to care about your sister. But those warnings are only there because the government wants to be too careful. Lysentripase is a chemical that prevents diaper rash. It was only a problem because some girls become allergic to it as they get older. And they've improved the formula since there was a problem with it. All the stuff in the news was for an old version they don't use anymore, but the government takes forever to get around to removing warning labels. Do you really think I'd try these on your sister without reading up on all the science?"

"So they're completely safe?" I said. I wanted to say that I knew she'd read about them, and I knew that she was lying to me. But I didn't have the nerve.

"Yes, I promise. Your sister hasn't shown the slightest sign of an allergic reaction, and it's pretty well documented that the newer versions of the gel don't have the same side effects. There's nothing wrong with it at all."

"Okay," I said, practically shaking. I did my best to hold it together just a little longer. "I'm sorry, I just overreacted. I'll buy her some new ones. Is it okay if I keep this pack, though? I haven't got any wipes, and the scent really does calm me down. And now I've had an accident once or twice, I wouldn't want to start getting a rash."

"No, I need those back," she said, a sudden urgency in her voice. She grabbed my shoulders before she spoke again. "Where are they, Alice? You can't use those, I don't want you to end up needing..."

Then her voice trailed off, and her mouth hung open. The very last thing she'd said was that the wipes were perfectly safe, so she couldn't start cautioning me about how dangerous they could be. Her only option now was to worry about me dosing myself, or to admit that she'd lied.

"Needing what?" I said. "Didn't you just say they're perfectly safe? Besides, Sarah's diapers have STX microcrystals, that should be enough to prevent diaper rash. Right? She doesn't need..." Then I hesitated. But I could see that Mum was trying to find an answer, trying to formulate a new lie that would fit in with what she thought I knew. "Sure, she'll feel a bit giddy if she wakes up wet. But you don't need the LVX wipes to make her wet the bed. She's... I mean, that stuff has been making her listen to you more. She's rebelling less, so you got what you want. There's no need to draw it out any longer."

"Alice, Sweetie," she said, just words to fill the uncomfortable silence while she tried to work out her next response. "I don't know where you're getting this from, but I would never do anything to hurt your sister. I'm only putting her in diapers until she gets over the effects from that virus. She needs a little more support in this time, but I promise, I'll stop treating her like a child when she stops..."

Again there was silence. And looking up at Mum's face, I could see that she was looking over my shoulder now. To where her copy of Training Your Teenager was lying open on my desk. I was still too nervous and shy to say anything, but now she knew what I knew I wouldn't need to.