downfall.

vacancy.

tw / cw ;; implied suicide + lgbt-phobia

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

I wish for one day, you understand the violence that it took to become this diligent. I wish for one day that you understand why I dont 'shut up and sit pretty'.

Maybe it's the lot of you who lack compassion. Maybe it's me who's hypocritical. But maybe, just maybe, the 'cruelty' that comes from me isnt my fault. Maybe it's a soul that's so tired of witnessing itself slowly loose who and what it came from, piece by piece. That it's very attempt to survive is looked down upon.

You have the audacity to preach about bullying and harassment on the week where we should be 'aware', but that awareness isnt stretched out to those who are already disadvantaged. I'm queer. I'm here. And if you keep calling slurs, maybe you'd be given a fucking reason to feel fear. Oh it's an empty threat before you raise your guns and sharpen the silhouette.

You speak as if you have no power, as if you have no time. As if sending an email to put something in place, is too far out of line. You run this joint and consequently run me, due to my enrollment into this sector of hell (like it'd be any better elsewhere, but still). However, you have zero control over when and where I spark to flame. And maybe it's in that room by the library, maybe it's in my art class, maybe it's in the guidance office about to blow the place to smithereens.

You, a teacher I would have if it werent for my decisions made on 7/01, ask so much about why Im angry, you speak of me needing to 'let go' of things. But you're freely choosing to come here to make some sort of difference as if our generation wasnt doomed in the first place. You're in you're 30s with the ability to leave if you wanted, to jump ship without a second thought. Due that teachers are so sought out here, you'd find a job someplace else with ease.

What part of me being stuck here in this hell do you not see? And the pure vacantness of my ability to leave? Even when I follow myself into virtuality, does it mean that their comments and opinions of the people that I'm apart of will cease ? Absolutely not. And you think I'd need to let go of things. But I'd rather die then stop caring about those who identify like me, because some of them are dead beneath our fucking feet, didnt you know? Oh I doubt it since schools lack the ability to show their respect for the dead.