Comeback

~ Chapter 7 ~

The house was so quiet with all 3 kids asleep, and the thought that someone else should be here right now just kept creeping up in the back of my mind. The family photo of Hudson, Theo, and my pregnant self was hung up on the wall next to the TV, just staring back at me.  The happiness was just radiating off of all of us, as Theo was being thrown up in the air with the biggest smile on his face, as Hudson stood with his arms up stretched ready to catch him. Then there was me next to Hudson, just so thrilled that this was my life.

Hudson should be here right now, but he wasn't, and it really feels like a knife stabbing into my heart repeatedly.

Not just because of the countless photos around the house, but everyplace was just a constant reminder of what I had and what I lost. The kitchen where he'd come up behind me when I was making dinner. The dining room table he would do crafts with Theo on. The bed where the two of them would read their bedtime stories together. Every time the kids did something new, and he wasn't there to see it. There was so much he was missing, and so much more he will continue to miss.

All the moments we will never have again, and all the plans we made that just washed away when he passed.

I stopped eating, my stomach now feeling like a pit that would fail if I put another bite in my mouth. My eyes were now filled to the brim with tears that I didn't want to cry. Were my hands shaking?

Then there was Harry. Harry who thought he would show up after years and we would talk and everything would be okay again. Harry, who left at a time when I needed him and then had to struggle to do it all on my own. Harry, who had chosen to bring me so much pain and then comeback like it was no big deal.

Everything was going through my mind at a 100 miles an hour, and I didn't know how to fix any of it.

I needed to stop.

Staying strong for the kids is the most important thing right now, and I couldn't keep thinking like this.

A few seconds felt like forever, and I don't know how, but I snapped out of it when I heard Theo's little voice asking for me.

"Mommy?"

It took a minute for me to get myself back together. I blinked my eyes a couple of times, and used my hand to wipe away the tears that escaped. I didn't want him to see I was crying, so hopefully his tired little toddler self doesn't notice.

"Momma, you otay?" He asked, and I heard him start to walk closer to me. I could see he was holding his stuffed dog animal and blanket in his arms, as he tried to climb onto the couch.

"Y-yeah. I'm okay" I fibbed to him, and helped pull himself into my lap. Wrapping my arms around him, I instantly felt myself relax, and then realized he probably needed something from me if he woke up from his slumber. "Are you okay?"

"I miss daddy" He spoke quietly, whispering so softly I almost didn't even hear him. His head was buried into me, so it muffled his sentence a bit. However, I did hear a small sniffle and feel him shuffle even closer to me.

"I miss daddy too" I agreed, keeping my voice soft, and rubbed his back with my free hand. It broke me even more inside to hear those words come out of Theo's mouth.

I feel like sometimes people forget that kids are human's as well and can also have such big feelings and not always properly know how to handle them. I know Theo, and I know the main reason he's so quiet and reserved is because of what he's seen happen and how he's trying to deal with it, but people like my mother expect him to think everything is fine. Theo has lost people too.

"Here" I reached over and grabbed a photo frame that was perched on the side table that held a photo of Hudson and I. "Give goodnight kisses"

Theo, slowly, lifted his head up and leaned in to plant a kiss on the glass. "Night night"

"Let's go get some sleep baby" I put Theo down on the carpet and stood up, cleaning up the plate of lasagna I barely even touched.

"Mommy?" Theo called my name again.

"Yeah?" I responded, walking back to the living room and shutting off some of the lights.

"Daddy says we should get a puppy" Theo looked up at me, a shy but knowing smile was now across his face.

"Oh really?" I chuckled, scooping him up into my arms.

"Yep!"

"Mmm, tell daddy we'll have to see about that one" I answered, and carried him back down the hallway to my bedroom. The lights were still shut and very dark in here, but we luckily made it to the bed without me falling on anything. I laid down on my side of the bed, Theo laid down in the middle of the bed.

Theo of course had a hard time falling back asleep, but after 30 minutes of back rubs and lullabies, I felt him relax into me and I then knew he finally was back to bed. He left me with barely any space to sleep, but at least he was happy.

Similarly, I also had a rough time falling asleep. I kept tossing and turning on what little space of the bed I did have, and no matter how long I laid there with my eyes closed, my body just would not shut off.

All I wanted to do was go to sleep because I know that since the twins fell asleep earlier, they'll be up earlier than their usual time. Meaning, I need to be up and ready to parent at 6 am on a Saturday.

However, I just could not stop thinking about Harry.

Not in a good way.

His face just kept appearing each time that I shut my eyes. Thinking about Harry only left me feeling frustrated and angry, obviously not helpful to drifting off to sleep.

It's been years, without anything from him. All he left behind was his stupid letter, his acting career, and the people he claims he loved. Not a text, not a phone call, not even a stupid magazine article talking about a "spotting" of him. For several years, he managed to escape the famous lifestyle he once relished in. No one's heard from Harry Styles since he left, and now all of a sudden he shows up out of the blue and wants to talk to me.

I don't care to hear his reasoning for why he left, because no reason will be good enough for me to excuse what he did to us. I don't want to have a conversation about it with him, but I fear he won't leave me alone unless I do.

I don't want to let him back in again.

He left behind something he shouldn't have, and I built a different life.

Plus, he had to of only came back so he could work on his stupid movie without feeling guilty about it. Why else would he go back to work and show up on my doorstep days beforehand?

Above everything else, I need to do what's best for the kids and myself, and Harry isn't that anymore.