mirrorball

chapter twenty four

"No. " said Clara immediately. "I didn't, I swear to you."

Harry said nothing, and so, in a jumbled mess of nerves, Clara began rapidly explaining herself, "Why would I betray you like that, Harry? I believe you, and I believe in the work of the Order. You know that. I want to take down Voldemort, and I want to do it by your side."

"I just don't know if I can believe you anymore." said Harry, almost whispering.

"What?" breathed Clara, barely able to open her mouth. She stood, joining Harry and tried to take his hand into hers, "Harry-"

"Don't." said Harry, pulling his hand away, "I saw you tonight. With Malfoy. If you weren't discussing dark matters I suppose you two really do still have unfinished business. Personal business."

Clara shook her head, almost in disbelief, "Harry, how many times have I told you? We are just friends! We've been friends for a long time, and there is no one I want to be with except for you."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. That doesn't really matter right now, what matters is that you still care about him despite what he's done for Voldemort."

"Harry, he's stuck. He doesn't know what to do and he's scared!"

"So what?" said Harry, his voice reaching a volume that Clara was sure went through her dorm walls, "You don't think I'm scared too? Because I am! I'm fucking terrified! The difference is, I'm not a fucking coward who hides behind mommy and daddy, hoping that following a Dark Wizard will eventually lead me to safety. I don't get that luxury."

"Harry, please-"

"Don't, Clara. This was inevitable anyway, and at least now it's done before I leave."

"What the hell are you talking about?" said Clara, her voice cracking. "What's inevitable? And what the fuck do you mean you're leaving?"

"This, us reaching our tipping point, it was inevitable! Everybody knew we were too wild to last."

"Everyone but me!" said Clara, "Harry, please stop. This isn't the solution to this, please, we care about each other, and we'll get through whatever is going on. Please."

"That doesn't really mean anything, Clara. I'm-" Harry paused to clear his throat, "I'm leaving to hunt down the Horcruxes soon. I don't know when I'll be back, or if I'll even survive, so it's better we leave things to rest."

"And you don't think I'm coming with you?" shouted Clara, rage taking over her lungs, "You didn't think that, just maybe, I would risk my life and go with you so that you'd have a better chance at finding them?"

"No, I didn't." said Harry softly.

"Well then." said Clara, "You're dumber than you look." Harry said nothing. "Harry, come on. Talk this out with me, let me come with you. We don't need to end this now. I promise you, I would never leave your side."

"Why?"

"Because, Harry, I-" Clara paused, her mind battled her tongue and fought for the words it formed, "I..." 

She let out a sigh. Clara knew exactly what she needed to say, but she just couldn't make the words form. Harry shook his head and stepped away from Clara.

"I could tell you abundantly and in a vast number of different ways how much I love you, Clara. But you can't even tell it to me flat out. What does that say about this situation?"

Clara just hung her head in shame. She didn't know why she couldn't tell Harry how she felt about him. He had told her a few times that he loved her, and each time he would look at her with eager and expectant eyes, only to be replied to with a kiss or hug. There was something wrong with her brain, Clara thought, it just simply didn't have the neural pathway that made her lips capable of saying "I love you". Even if it was exactly what she thought every time she looked at Harry.