bracelets | ranboo x nb!oc

10

i hate my brain so much. I can't stop thinking about Paige and Avery. It's like the very thought of anything else would kill me, because they're the only thing in my mind right now and it makes me want to fall in a ditch.

I don't think I'm even hurt by the fact that Paige would pull a full 180 on me, going from a breakup ending on okay-ish terms, to accusing me of something so serious. That's not what bothers me.

What bothers me is how the hell she thought it would be okay to accuse me of something like this. Hell, even if it wasn't me, she's still insane. Of course, since it's such a serious thing, there'd be an incentive to rush to the aid of Paige, assuming she'd done nothing wrong.

everyone keeps staring at me.
Whether it's walking to class or getting my books from my locker, I see people out of my peripheral. Whispering, shooting me apologetic glances.

The rumour must have passed around half the grade by now, even though it was shut down the moment Paige accused me. I'm hoping it's less that people believe said rumours and more that they've heard about how paige lied.

everything is so annoying. I can't even walk to English without someone sending a soft, pitying smile my way. even Aurora, who's usually super chill, is a little put off.

as Polly, Amber, Mason, Aurora and I are walking to maths, we pass the tables behind the year 7 classrooms; where Avery and I first met.

The little nook where those tables are is quite cozy, actually. The trees surrounding are really pretty, especially now, in spring. There's a willow tree on the other side of the fence, with half of the branches hanging over. It's created a little shady spot in the corner. Usually that's where kids vape and stuff, but there aren't any there currently.

i remember when I met Avery, back in march of year 7; autumn. the leaves were falling onto the ground and creating what was essentially a carpet of dead leaves. When I was admiring the colours of said carpet from my perch up on the edge of the bench, a short blonde girl appeared beside me - Avery.

I'm racking my brain for what we had said in our first conversation. i vaguely remember talking about how pretty autumn is, and admiring the willow tree-

"Dei!"
"Huh? what? hello, I exist." I blink rapidly, coming to after my little daydream session. Aurora is standing in front of me, frowning softly. "Why were you staring at the benches?" Her tone is soft, but curious. I bite my bottom lip and shake my head lightly. "I was?"

okay, hear me out. i know full well that I was just staring at the benches. I just don't want to tell her this, because then I'll have to give an in-depth explanation and to be honest I really do not feel like doing that.

Aurora nods, her expression a mix of concern and curiosity, "yeah, you were."
"oh. it wasn't intentional, I just kinda focused on a random thing I think." I shrug nonchalantly, hoping she believes me. Although, despite my silent hoping and praying, I don't think she does.

"I'm not an idiot, Dei. You don't zone out often. Are you okay?"
"Fine." I nod in reply, sending a soft smile her way. Her eyes narrow for a moment, locking her gaze with mine. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

the tension in the air is unspoken, but obvious. Her gaze lingers on my face for a few more silent moments.
"If you don't want to talk, it's okay, but if you do want to, I'm here. and I'll listen."

the look on Aurora's face seems to be overflowing with concern, but the tone of voice just doesn't seem genuine.
Acting quickly without hesitation has never been a strong suit of mine. In this situation, any normal person would politely decline her offer, and we would continue on as usual. But there's this one part of me, this one, tiny part of me that wishes that I could believe her. And that's why I hesitate for a moment too long.

Her gaze grows softer and she shakes her head softly, turning back towards the classroom. "Sorry that was probably bad timing."

and now I feel like a bitch.

It's not that I don't appreciate her trying to help, because I definitely do. It means a lot to know she cares, but I've not been hanging out with her for very long at all, and I'm not 100% trusting of her. It just feels weird to vent to someone you don't trust with your life, in my opinion. Maybe that's just me, but I can't handle it.

I really don't want to go to maths. Aurora's very quickly caught up with Polly and the others, and I can't help but feel like I've offended her somehow.

Despite my unwillingness, and the guilt gnawing at the back of my brain, I take one last agonisingly long glance at the tables and walk to my classroom.

at home, I just can't focus on my homework. My brain is partially fried from just finishing a huge content booklet for biology (I don't recommend taking biology), but it's mainly fried because I've spent the better half of the last few days wishing Paige didn't break up with me - and wishing she were dead at the same time.

So anyway, I'm sitting at my desk, head in my hands, wanting to do nothing more than sleep for eternity. My head is pounding (for no apparent reason) and my heart is aching. My hands are trembling, my left knee is bouncing and my stomach is rumbling like it's the end of the world.

In a bit of a daze, it registers in my head that I haven't eaten at all today. Frowning, my eyes flick up to the clock on my wall. After careful observation, I promptly realise that it's 4PM.

I'm kind of a walking zombie at the moment, so there's not much I can do. Though, I figure, I can at least fuel my zombie body and treat myself with some kind of decency. I've not got a huge appetite, but my stomach is rumbling and I haven't eaten since yesterday, so I get up from my chair and my feet carry me downstairs.