Life Support #wattys2015

Chapter 18: Mary

Mary looked behind her shoulder constantly, expecting to see images of herself-herself on fire, herself downing pills. That's what she saw the first time. She expected to see great gaping holes in the ground that she needed to jump over, she expected to see precarious bridges and deadly monsters, all wearing a face of death. She expected the ground to have endless cracks leading to fire and torment below; she expected the sky to be dark with no hope of light and for the stars to be replaced with demons.

However, the only thing she saw was infinite darkness, lit by fireflies. The ground below her feet was solid and dark, like an endless pathway. The sky above held hazy stars. And, though she couldn't see far ahead, no monsters seemed to be waiting.

The world behind her haunted her more than the one she was in-a world where people were unloved, even more than they had been in her world. Maybe she saw nothing because she'd died for a cause; maybe she saw nothing because the world was different. At any rate, she didn't quite believe it, so she reached and grabbed Fai's hand, though it was cold and clammy.

He looked away as soon as she met his gaze. Out of the corner of her eye, Mary appraised him. His bloodstained shirt, his broken skin still not-quite mended. She wanted to ask questions-something she hadn't wanted for years-about his reasons, about his family, about-everything! She wanted him to tell her everything, but she kept her tongue, more out of respect for any souls that could still be lingering. But the questions made her fill up like a balloon.

The thing she was most curious about, however, were the people she left behind. She wanted to know if Isaac had a chance there. He wouldn't kill himself-he was far too stubborn for that-but he would be alone. Nellie...Mary didn't know what to make of his sister now. While kind, she seemed distant. At least she was alive.

Fai let out a long, suffering sigh, and she rested her head on his shoulder, allowing herself to ask, "What's wrong?"

"I don't know if my life mattered." She rolled her eyes-what a silly thing to worry about.

"Mattered to me."

He gave her a small smile, "Well-I think you're the only one, Mary."

Mary shrugged. She knew that wasn't true, but she couldn't argue. The thing is, people can matter to people in so many different ways that it's hard to validate one's life by one's influence on others. Mary had been taught that life had intrinsic value (even when she didn't believe it herself). When had that idea gone away?

He sighed, "At least you mattered."

"How do you know?" She was curious, though she wanted to argue with the very idea of that statement.

"Because you know that Isaac is going to change the world in your name, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well-he loved you, Mary. Not like I love you...didn't you notice, how protective he was? How he always glared at me?"

"I thought that was just because he didn't like your ideals and how you went about doing things..."she muttered, wrapping her arms around herself in embarrassment. Had she really been that oblivious?

"I'm sure some of it was. But not all of it. It wouldn't have worked out, anyway-it's probably better that you didn't know, honestly. Could you imagine, trying to navigate a relationship when both parties are dead?" He snorted, as if the idea was funny.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you knew!"

Mary sighed and rolled her eyes, tired from Fai's boyishness. Still-she couldn't quite swallow the smile that blossomed onto her face. She was worthy of being loved, even after everything. "But how do you know that he's going to change the world-and especially in my name?"