Baby I'm yours (Do I wanna Know sequel) Spencer Reix x Fem!BAUreader

Chapter five: "I used to think that Romeo was full of shit"

- "I understand how you feel, Spencer."- Hotch confessed and made another long pause. I felt somehow selfish after my confession. There I was, talking about the fear of losing the woman I love in front of the man who had lost the woman of his life in the hands of a serial killer.

- "I miss her."- I blurted out and sipped my tea- "I miss talking with her and it pains me to know there is nothing I can do to bring her back. I don't wanna spend another hour thinking about what I could have done better that day. What I should have inferred faster to bring her back safe."

- "We all feel the same way, Reid. But you can't blame yourself, you did your best."

- "But my best wasn't enough to save Prentiss, and what if it isn't enough to save (Y/N) whenever it is needed?"

Hotch opened his mouth but didn't say a word for a few seconds. I looked down at my hands again and did my best to hold the tears back. I didn't want to cry and then walk back to the bullpen. (Y/N) would see me and realize how deeply affected I was. I didn't want her to worry about me. I was going to be ok eventually, just not that day, not after talking with Hotch.

- "What happened with Emily will always be a mark in our family, Spencer. But it doesn't define us. We can't change the past, but we can work together to make a better future."

I walked out of Hotch's office and for the first time ever, I felt like I needed a drink. Instead, I walked to the kitchen and opened the mini-fridge. There were some cinnamon rolls left from breakfast. I poured another cup of herbal tea and walked back to my desk. Neither (Y/N) nor Seaver were around and I didn't know if I should be worried. In the last few days, my girlfriend had made a big effort to try to be nice to her, and sometimes that scared me. Why? 'Cos it was too good to be true, and so far everything in our lives - except Emily's death- was starting to feel too good to be true. Something was going to go south eventually. Call me a pessimist, I don't care. It's statistically proven.

- "Pretty boy, are you listening?"- Morgan waved his hand in front of my face and snapped his fingers.

- "Sorry, you were saying?"

- "How did it go in there?"- I just shrugged and grabbed a case file to start my paperwork.

- "He wanted to talk about Emily like he did with you yesterday."- I stated the facts, but I knew Morgan meant how I was feeling with the whole conversation- "And what are you doing tonight after work?"- I don't know why I asked him that, probably to change the subject, I really didn't want to talk about Emily anymore. Not there at least.

- "Nothing special, I was planning to watch the game in a bar with some friends. Wanna come?"

- "Can't, but thanks for the invitation."

- "What are you guys talking about?"- (Y/N) asked as she walked over to my desk along with Penelope and Seaver, the three of them holding matching Starbucks mugs- "Oh! I got you a blue one too!"- my girlfriend giggled and opened her bag, handing me a new mug.

- "Thank you."

- "We took a coffee break 'cos Pen read on Twitter these beauties were on sale"- (Y/N) was really excited about the mugs, and I just smiled and nodded- "So, how did it go with Hotch?"

- "I'll tell you later."

- "(Y/L/N), can you come to my office for a minute?"- Aaron asked from the stairs, and (Y/N)'s smile faded in a fraction of a second. She didn't reply, she just nodded and started walking. Morgan, Pen, and Seaver looked at her in silence, as I quickly stood up, grabbed her hand, and kissed her lips, just a peck.

- "Doctor Reid"- I heard Strauss' voice as (Y/N) widened her eyes and froze on her spot.

- "Go to Hotch, I'll talk to her"- I whispered and cut her a short smile- "Don't worry about it. I love you."