Join My Heart

Chapter 17

Starr

First thing Monday morning, I'm signing and showing pictures to Dustin on his tablet. Cory was right! Dustin really wanted to see Josiah and play with his puppy. My weekend would have gone so much easier, if my crystal ball wasn't broken!

Things settle back in routine, everyday Dustin goes to our refrigerator and points to the note that says, "Josiah, Thursday at 6pm; puppy," and every day my head nods in agreement.

Wednesday after work, we break from our routine and decide to head to Edwardsville for some shopping. Dustin's autism backpack is ready to go, and I've listed the outing on his tablet. Surprises from any schedule can cause one of the fastest meltdowns, so the list of items needed are neatly printed onto the paper as well.

Cory elected to stay behind and help Jeff at Cherry's Drugstore with some sweeping. In payment, my son gets his favorite ice cream. I've never seen dirt on that pharmacy floor, but I appreciate Cory getting to do something more independent for himself.

Dustin and I make it through our list, pay out and in the car before I remember I needed milk. Signing and talking to Dustin, I open the door for us to go back inside the store. He's shaking his head no and even saying the word while signing it. Not wanting to push him, but really needing the milk, my hands go to hold his as we cross the parking lot. Our forward momentum is interrupted as Dustin lets out a scream and drops just inside the entrance to the store. His autism survival backpack is safely secured in my car and totally useless to me here... in the store... with a screaming child.

A wise teacher once told me to "choose which mountain I want to die on," when it comes to the battles with my youngest son. Meaning that not all battles need winning, so choose carefully which one will impact us both the most. His pre-k teacher advised me early on, to use vocal commands for directions and try and not haul him around. He would, of course, grow over the years and picking him when he weighs 180lbs would be difficult. Given these two brilliant women's advice, and the growing attention my special needs child is getting, I decide there is only one recourse.

Plopping myself on the ground next to my son, I cross my legs and prepare to get comfortable. Making sure we are both out of the path of foot traffic and shopping carts.

"Would you look at that! Nobody knows how to parent anymore."

"I'd take him out behind the woodshed for that behavior."

"He's too old to throw a fit."

"Tantrums are for babies."

"Why doesn't that mother do something?"

The comments never seem to slow, as the self-righteous shoppers go about their business, while discussing mine openly. I knew better than to push him off our written schedule, but I really needed the milk for breakfast tomorrow morning. Tapping down the urge to scream at them, to make them see some people of have invisible handicaps, and not everyone functions the same way.

"Well, here you are Dustin, I was just coming to get my puppy a new chew toy. He's decided my shoe is boring after shredding it." I stare open-mouthed as Josiah, still in his postal uniform, calmly sits down on the other side of Dustin.

My son, having stopped screaming some time ago, lifts his head to look at Josiah.

There we sit, all three of us, at the entrance to the store as if we were on a picnic at the beach.

"Sir, would you kindly move your family?" A supervisor has made it over to our section, I'm assuming the self-absorbed shoppers are somehow offended by my parenting technique.

"I tell you what Sir; how about you move your body elsewhere and let me worry about my family." Josiah says with the calmest voice, but you can just hear the underlying boldness daring the supervisor to argue with us.

Maybe he had the same teacher Dustin did as a kid, because the supervisor turns and walks away, as if our little party on the floor is not a battle, he wishes to engage in. Josiah watches him walk away and then looks back at me with the cutest smile.

"So, what's everybody up to?" and all three of us giggle.

"Well, I need milk, but Dustin doesn't want to help me. I need a strong man to assist me, but I can't seem to fine one." I pretend to look all around the store, while still seated on the floor.

"What say you Sir Dustin, should we assist this fair lady?" and when I think my brain can't take any more surprises, Josiah signs "help" and "milk" to Dustin!

Tears are causing my eyesight to blur, thankful I'm close to the floor incase my blood sugar drops causing me to pass out.

As if all agreeing at the same time, we stand, and Josiah takes one hand while I take Dustin's other hand. Intending to head to the dairy section, my son instead pulls us the dog section.

I stay back, watching, as Josiah and Dustin go through every choice in the pet food aisle before deciding on dog food, two dog toys and a small bag of treats. We finally make it over to the dairy section and I got to reach for my milk.

"Sorry Fair Lady, we the Knights of Nurney Drive cannot allow you to lift such a heavy item." Josiah says and hands me the doggy toys and to Dustin he gets to carry the doggy snack.

"Why thank you, my brave knights, however, can I repay your kindness?" Josiah smiles, as he leads us back up front with my milk in his one hand and doggy food on his shoulder.

I shouldn't be noticing but it is one very sexy shoulder. Wide, strong, but not over the top. Like his upper body gets plenty of work without having to flip tractor tires at a gym. He used to carry me around, with those strong arms, but I weigh more now. That's a pity, getting carried away could be fun.

Hearing Josiah clear his voice, my head pops up, his knowing grin lets me know that I've been busted for oogling his chest.

"I've always enjoyed a man in uniform," I say as I sashay past him to check out with my milk and hear his chuckle.

All of a sudden, I feel sixteen again, with no beer this time thank goodness. A little happy and a whole lot scared. I've changed on Josiah more than a stoplight in the biggest city. I've told him friends, no friends, go away friend and back to maybe friend. It makes my own head spin; how does he keep up with me?

Josiah walks us to our car and makes sure Dustin is safely in his booster seat and walks around to my side of the car.

"Thank you, Starr, for the best day of my life in a very long time." Without asking, he reaches in and gives me a quick kiss on my left cheek and then he's gone.

Rubbing my cheek and looking into my mirror, my fears are confirmed... my eyes are glassed over and my cheeks a rosy, red.... I may not know what I want... but my body sure does!