ashes and sunflowers

To The Boy I Will Never Send This To

I think I'm finished with fighting for your attention.

How many times can you tell me you're shy—when I see you talking to everyone but me? Laughing and being comfortable around everyone except me?

When did my thumb start hovering over the send button because I started to get scared of coming across as...needy?

I shouldn't have to fight for your attention. Your hello's should not feel like a bone being tossed my way like I'm some starved dog.

Don't feed me with this bullshit that you're shy...that you feel bad...that I'm sexy and pretty and smart and "can have any guy".

I didn't want any guy. I just wanted you.

Just wanted to get to know you. I just wanted to be able to hold your hand or take turns paying the bill at a coffee bar.

I'm tired of something that hasn't even begun—all because you're too scared.

I'm not going to hold your hand while you decide to become a man.

I don't want to fight. I don't want to become nastier or more bitter than I already have been. But please, before you set me up for this inevitable disappointment...just leave me alone.

You're interested, but not interested enough. And as much as that fucking hurts to admit, it's better than being strung along while you weigh me up against other girls.

You didn't make us a priority so now I'm making you an option.