Redemtion

Forbidden

"Then surely you understand it needs to end now. Our emotions will be our demise if we cannot control them." 

"You have it backwards. I feel in control when I'm with you. It's when we're apart that I worry and lose focus." He argued. He was right. You felt safe with him, but when separated, your worries and emotions consumed you.

"Peace and serenity cannot exist in wake of such passion and emotion." You spoke, remembering and reciting what your master had so long ago taught you. Your body was brimming with the urge to give in and just allow your heart to guide you, but you knew it was unwise and completely against what you'd been taught.

"But I feel at peace when I'm with you." He stated. 

Everything he said made you doubt your own words more and more.

You inhaled sharply. "Cal, what's the point of this mission?" 

"To restore-"

"The jedi order. Exactly. Now, tell me how the hell we're supposed to to that when we can't even abide by the code." You cut him off, avoiding his eyes, because you knew if you looked, you'd simply breakdown.

"Maybe the code is wrong." He suggested. 

You didn't answer.

"Attachment is forbidden. They say it's because it makes us blind, more susceptible to weakness. Do you believe that?" He asked you. 

"Yes, I do. My master taught me that strong feelings will lead to the dark-side. 

"How can you know that?" He asked, his voice sounding slightly annoyed.

Your frustration was brimming, you could feel heat rising in your face.

"I- I don't! But I know that if I ever lost you, I wouldn't be strong enough to resist if the darkness presented itself to me." You sputtered. It was hard. Admitting your weaknesses and fears to him.

His face softened, and he moved closer to you, cupping your face with his hands. You reached up and grabbed onto his wrists to pull his hands away, but you couldn't bring yourself to do so. Instead, you only leaned into his warm touch further.

"You won't lose me, Y/n. I promise." He said softly, pulling your face up to look at him.

"It's too dangerous." You closed your eyes and shook your head. 

"Y/n, I won't let anything happen to you, and I know you won't let anything happen to me. We're stronger together. Don't you agree?" He asked, his voice so soft as he gently brushed across your cheeks with his thumbs.

"I trust you, Cal. Really, I do. It's myself I don't trust..." You explained.

"But I trust you. Can't that be enough?" He asked. 

The way he looked at you made your knees weak. You tried to answer but when you opened your mouth, no words came out. You let out a small sigh and closed your mouth again. 

Cal leaned down slightly, his eyes locked with yours. Your heart kipped a beat and your muscles tensed, causing your grip on his wrists to tighten. 

His face was so close now, especially when you mirrored him by moving your face closer to his.

Your eyelids began to flutter closed as he became so close you could feel his breath on your lips.

"Y/n, I need to be sure this is what you want." He spoke so quietly, it was nearly a whisper.

Suddenly you were pulled back to reality by his words.

You opened your eyes and quickly pushed away from him.

"I- no. This is not what I want. And it's not what you want either. Trust me." You told him. It nearly crushed you to see the look on his face. "I'm- I'm really sorry, Cal. But this is not what we need right now."

Your words could not have been less true. You wanted to be with Cal so terribly bad. The only thing stopping you was your masters teachings and your hope to restore the order and defeat the empire.

"I understand." He said. 

You could tell he was trying to hide his sadness. You couldn't bear to look at his face anymore, so you turned.

"I'm sorry." You whispered before walking away to your room.

*Let me know if this chapter/any of the chapters suck. I'll change it if it does. I just feel like it always gets cringy when it gets more intimate and romantic*

*Hey guys, I'm in a bit of a writing slump and I know I don't have many readers, but if any of you want me to continue this fanfic I promise I'll try my best! Any ideas or prompts from you guys would be awesome!*