Complicated (R.S.L/ R5)

Chapter 25

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked angrily.

"I came to see you," he said, attempting to hug me, but I shook him off.

I was furious that he had just decided to come and visit me, without even telling me, when the entire reason for me moving was to escape him. I was so tempted to slam the door in his face, but I restrained myself, remembering what I had to do. Despite feeling happy while texting him, seeing him again resurfaced all those memories which had buried themselves due to my lack of seeing him, forcing feelings of hatred to rise to the surface. I wanted to slap him, wanted to question him about his lack of respect for me, but reason told me not to.

"What happened?" he asked, concern evident.

I shook my head and shot him a small smile, pulling him in for a hug.

"Nothing, I'm sorry. I was just shocked to see you here," I replied.

He smiled back, holding me close to him. "I was going crazy without you," he whispered into my hair.

As he said these words, I realised just how sincere he was being here. All this playing him, hurting him, it was just completely immature, and it was time for both of us to give it up. If I were being honest with myself, I'd admit that I was tired of the whole dynamic of our relationship. It was completely and utterly unhealthy. Even though I resented him for what he had put me through, I knew it was time to let go of any hard feelings I had, because it wouldn't get us anywhere.

I felt like I was bipolar. When he'd turned up here, I wanted nothing more than to slap him and tell him to fuck off. But I felt as though, in this short space of time, I had grown, realised that we weren't children anymore, that to be holding petty grudges was both juvenile and unnecessary. And in this way, I knew that despite what had happened between us, we would be all right. And the only way to move forward from here was to clear the air between us, once and for all.

"Come inside. I think we have a lot to talk about," I said, ushering him in.

He pulled his bags in, making me wonder how long he was planning on staying. We walked in and sat down, having left the bags in the corner of the room. I took a deep breath, and started speaking.

"I need to talk to you. And the majority of it will probably annoy you, but try to control yourself, okay?"

He nodded, looking puzzled, but agreeed nonetheless.

"I'm going to be honest. This past week, essentially, I've been playing you. I wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me, and I was pretending to love you to try and get under your skin."

His fists clenched, and I started to move away slightly, but the only way we were ever going to be all right was for us to try to start fresh, without memories of what had happened. So I stopped, and kept myself in the same position.

I continued: "But seeing you here, it's all so much more than that now. If you're expecting me to say something along the lines of how much I love you now, don't hold your breath. But how long are we going to keep hurting each other over something that happened so many years ago? I hurt you, you hurt me, we both apologise and it just starts again. And it's toxic. It's not good for either of us."

Blank eyes looked back at me. "So where are you going with this, exactly?"

I sighed. "I'm not too sure. All I know is that this constant revenge-seeking has to stop. We're both eighteen, for god's sake. How long are we going to act like children?"

He didn't say anything, just continued to look at me, all emotions filed neatly away behind a shuttered expression,

I pursed my lips. "You could say something, you know."