«Are you okay?»
I nod to Antonio but I don't answer. I try to focus on the lesson but I can't. I can feel her eyes on me like she already knows who I am and that she hates me. I decided that at the end of the lesson, I will talk with her. Her face is still installed in my mind and I don't think she is new; she probably skipped lessons for a good, terrible reason. Antonio doesn't see my anxiety or if he does, he says nothing. He is chewing the pen's tap as his habit to bit things. Once, I was with him and Giacomo and he had to take off a straw from his boyfriend's mouth because he was cutting his gums. Antonio doesn't do it for stress or nervousness, he just does it without even noticing it. Or if he does it for stress, he doesn't know it.
When the lesson is over, I am already standing up but when I turn around, I can see that the girl is already gone. I sigh and huff, going back to pack my things under Antonio's eyes.
«Do you want to fight her?»
«No, Tonio. I just want to talk with her.»
«How come?»
I put on my coat, take the bag and go down the stairs. «No reason.»
«You never do something without a reason.»
That's not true. «Pure curiosity.»
«Of what?»
I don't answer that. We both reach the hallway but then I start to walk fast to the cafeteria. I need coffee. Since I was late this morning, I couldn't have one at home. I don't like the one here but I still need caffeine. Antonio is trying to reach me but I am too fast. When I am nervous and overthinking, I usually do that. It is like by walking quickly my mind shut up. But it never works.
When I reach the cafeteria, in the line there is the girl. Right in front of me. She is waiting for her turn to order. Now that she is so close to me, I suddenly don't know how to talk so I just wait for her to take her order and then get mine. But then she turns around, facing me. I shiver. She has almost all of her face covered by her hair and she has bangs. Her eyes are really light and the colour is green. They seem to like diamonds, diamonds with no feeling and they are looking at me like they are studying me.
«Hm, hi?» I try but she doesn't speak.
She leaves disappearing behind a bewildered Antonio. When I face him, I snort and go back to the men behind the coffee machine. I feel so stupid. Why she should talk to me? And why do I want to talk with her? I pick up my coffee and I turn around, where my best friend is still waiting for some words.
«I don't know, Antonio. I just have the feeling she is living hell. I just wanted to be friendly.»
«Do you think she has been trow what you have been into?»
I raise my shoulders. «I don't know. It is just a weird combination of events.»
What I have been into after my mom's death was the worst of my life. The deepest I could have reached. I am so lucky to be alive. To have had amazing people around helping me and this is all I want to try to do to her but maybe she already has someone and I am just overreacting.
Antonio clicks his tongue and together we walk back to the next lesson.
«So, how do you feel about today?» He changes the subject.
«What's today?» I fake.
He makes a fake laugh. «How funny.»
«You already know how I feel about today.»
«Come on, Enede. Try at least to fake excitement.»
«Oh my god yes! Yes! I can't wait to see him! He is probably the love of my life! Yes!»
YOU ARE READING
my online lover
RomanceWhen Enede comes across Kevin at first she thinks that life is giving her so many joys. She meets him on Tinder and she hates Tinder but somehow she finds herself talking to him while in her life everything is taking shape and is adjusting, like her...
date and memories
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