𝗕𝗘𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗡 𝗥𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡𝗚𝗘! jay kelso

chapter 6 • didn't mean he was any less of a stupid man

"leia, have you ever kissed anyone?" gwen sat up.

"never. not once." leia admitted. "it's just never happened, okay? in sixth grade, i was a foot taller than all the other boys! and just when they got up to mouth level, i did two years of advanced braces."

"like headgear?"

"it was so much worse. there was a crank that my parents had to tighten every night. it was like starting an old timey car."

"well, it was worth it. you have such a beautiful smile." jay smiled at leia.

"jay, shut the fuck up. do you ever stop speaking?" cherry asked.

"yeah, do you ever take a day off?" gwen stated.

"i wanna kiss someone. i think about it all the time." leia walked in between nate and nikki. "what's it like?"

"okay, this is an emergency. we need to get you your first kiss! let's go to the mall and knock this out." gwen stood up, grabbing cherry's hand.

"the mall? oh, don't make me start on a mannequin! that's so embarrassing!" leia frowned.

"no, it's full of guys!" gwen reminded. "we'll find some goober, chat him up, show him your teeth, lay one on him."

"cherry, have you had your first kiss? because i'm a goober, and i volunteer." jay said, as if he hadn't been kissing her the night before.

"i've kissed, like, a thousand guys. and still, one of them wouldn't be you." cherry replied sarcastically.

jay shrugged, and continued to toss his beanbag in the air.

leia flopped down onto the couch, where gwen and cherry had been sitting.

"i don't want my first kiss to be with a goober!" leia frowned.

"you're right. we should just wait until you're confident enough, emotionally ready, secure in who you are-" gwen agreed, sarcastically.

"okay, mall!" leia said, and sat up. "summer of our first kiss, right, ozzie?"

"don't lump me in with you, you mouth virgin. i have ettiene." ozzie said, taking a seat on the reclining chair.

"is he hot?" cherry asked. "or rich? or both?"

"bro, i wanna support you, but you gotta stop with the fake canadian boyfriend." gwen said.

"oh, he's real as hell!" ozzie called out. "my parents took me to see phantom of the opera in montreal, and i met the cutest guy, etienne. we were both reaching for the last kids lx souvenir sweatshirt, and he let me keep it."

"we've never seen the sweatshirt." jay interrupted.

"whatever! you wouldn't know romance if it threw acid in your face, forcing you into a life of solitude, composing music in the night." ozzie frowned.

"god, i hope he's real." gwen shook her head.

cherry laughed.

suddenly, nate and nikki pulled away from each-other.

the couple looked around the full room.

"when did you guys get here?" nikki asked.

"we were making out." nate wrapped an arm around his girlfriends shoulder.

«───── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ─────»

the group walked through the mall.

"i'm finally more than twenty miles away from jay. he's so fucking annoying." cherry took a deep breath of the mall air.

"thanks for the ride, grandpa." leia smiled.

"any time you kids wanna get out of my house, i'll drive you." red offered

"this shouldn't take too long." leia reassured.

"you guys need anything?" red questioned, holding his newspaper.

"a miracle." ozzie shrugged.

"i'll be right over here, reading my paper." red waved off the group, and took a seat in a massage chair.

the group walked throughout the mall.

ozzie was distracted by all of the stores.

cherry and gwen were trying to find a suitable boy to be leia's first kiss.

leia was nervous.

you could tell, because she kept saying it.

"i'm really nervous. my back sweats being funneled right nto my butt!" leia frowned.

"that's just your body getting ready for romance. you're cute, you're smart, and you're awesome. you can do this." gwen reassured.

"yeah, you're so pretty, and men are so fucking stupid. literally pick any man here." cherry looked around the mall.

"it's a total sausage fest!" ozzie ran up to the trio of girls.

"yeah, look at all these guys." gwen reviewed the boys around them.

"no, hickory farms is giving away free samples. etienne loves a nice smoked gouda."

"fine. if he's real, what his last name?"

"saint bernard."

"what school does he go to?"

"saint bernard's."

"does he have any pets?"

"bichon frisé."

the pair glared at each-other, leaning very close to the other.

cherry watched the drama unfold, laughing to herself.

"wait, that reminds me! i've given cpr to a dog. does that count as a kiss?" leia asked.

cherry blinked. "absolutely fucking not."

"go! you got this!" gwen shoved the girl forward.

leia continued to walk around the mall, harassing whatever boy she saw.

none of them wanted to kiss her.

not even the ice-cream shop worker, that she had chased down.

eventually, a security guard led leia back to where the rest of her friends were.

"you kids need to leave." the security guard instructed.

"you don't happen to have a son my age, do you?" leia asked.

the security chard walked away, without responding.

cherry waved away a boy, and stood beside the pair.

"that ugly man just gave me his number. i'm gonna request 5,000 dollars from him, and if he says no, i'm gonna call the cops on him." cherry shoved her phone into the pocket.

"oh.. okay. you do that." leia turned back to face ozzie.

"so it went well?" ozzie questioned.

"no, let's go. where's gwen?" leia looked around.

cherry tried to find her. "where's my lover?"

gwen and a boy were seated on a bench, making out.

"cheater!" cherry gasped.

gwen pulled away, with a laugh.

"bye, kevin. that was fun." gwen stood up.

"best day of my life!" kevin grinned.

"calm down, kevin." gwen walked away from him.

she joined the group that was waiting for her.

"seriously?" leia asked.

"one of us had to get some." gwen shrugged.

"could've gotten some from me." cherry grinned.

"i might." gwen smiled back, with a laugh.