Hold on and stay safe (unfinished)

-Chapter One: A Fresh Start-

I slowly open my eyes to see the bottom of the prison bunk above me. My heart races and I sit up looking around, panic filling my chest. Then after my brain processes where I am, I relax slightly. A little over a week ago Rick and his group took in the old and younger citizens that were left in Woodbury. I was supposed to fight with my older brother, Joshua, but they wanted someone to stay back and watch the kids and Josh said didn't want me near the fray. I felt so conflicted being kept inside those walls when Rick came to get us, on one hand, I was thankful to be safe but on the other when I didn't see them come back with my brother I wanted to shoot all of them. But after hearing what the Governor did, How he manipulated all of us, I joined Rick, reluctantly, after Patrick talked some sense into me.

I slowly swing my legs over the edge of the bed, having to slouch a bit so I fit under the bunk. I stood and stretched. I looked up at the top bunk and saw Patrick, sleeping soundly. I quietly move around the room and change into jeans, a tee shirt, and an old zip-up hoodie. I check my hair in a small broken glass mirror that I brought to the prison. My hair was shaved on the sides and decently short on the top, though it was pretty messy. I run my fingers through my hair, then pull on my work boots and grab my knife before leaving the room. I walk down to the bottom floor and see Rick peeking his head into one of the rooms. When he pulls his head out he sees me, I try to give a friendly smile but all I can manage is press my lips together and give a curt nod. Rick cracks a small smile and nods back at me, heading out of the prison. Pretty much right as Rick left I saw Carl, Rick's son, step out of the room Rick was peeking in on. I give him the same look as Rick and continue walking toward the kitchen. Carl simply nods and walks out after his father. I turn back to watch him leave and sigh. Once in the kitchen and I grab some strawberries from a basket and start snacking on them. No one else was awake yet so I just sit in silence, letting myself daydream, a luxury I could rarely afford nowadays. I thought back to before all this shit started. Before the prison, before the governor, before Woodbury, before the outbreaks, before all of it.

~FlashBack~

Back when it was just Josh, Mom, and I. I am slowly awake to the piercing beeping of my alarm clock on my bedside table. I groan in disdain at the loud chirping coming from my clock. Groggily, I roll over in my bed and turn off my alarm. I lay for a minute letting my eyes adjust to the light filtering into my room through the curtains covering most of my window. I slowly sit up and check the time, 9:30 am, before rubbing my face. I swing my legs over the side of my twin-sized mattress and sit for a minute, letting myself slowly wake up. I stand and walk out of my room, going to the bathroom before heading downstairs to the kitchen. Mom and Josh were already awake and had made a pot of coffee and some eggs.

"Well look who's finally awake!" I hear Josh say as I enter the kitchen, dragging my feet. "You're lucky I'm up before 10 am." I say my voice still groggy from waking up. Mom smiles and walks over kissing my forehead. "Good morning to you too sweetheart, now come on eat up, we have to leave by 10:30 if we wanna get to the ceremony on time!" She says carrying two dirty dishes to the sink.

I grab some eggs from the pan and ketchup from the fridge and take a seat at the kitchen counter. I looked over to see Josh already dressed, he was wearing one of dads old suits that Mom had specially tailored to fit him. Josh looked back at me and smiled tussling my hair. "Are you excited for today?" He asked as I squirt ketchup all over my eggs. "Yeah! I'm excited to go out to Applebees after!" I say then take a bite of my food. Mom turns around and raises an eyebrow at me. "Aannnnnnndd to see you graduate from middle school!" I quickly add on through a mouthful of egg. "Don't talk with your mouthful." My mom says with a sigh going back to the dishes. Josh chuckles and stands up brushing off his suit. "I'm excited about that as well." He said making his way over to the living room to watch some tv.

I quickly finish eating then rush upstairs and quickly get changed into the khaki pants and white button-down shirt my mom laid out for me. I make my way back downstairs with my mom yelling at me. "Gavin, come on it's almost 10:30 we're gonna be late!" I sprint down the stairs and get to the door where Mom and Josh were waiting. I sit down and quickly pull on my shoes and grab a light jacket. Before we leave my mom turns to Josh and smiles. "I'm so proud of you baby, and your dad is too, I'm sure of it." Josh smiles and nods. "Thanks, Mom, I hope he's watching." "He is!" I pipe up causing them to look down at me. "Dad is always watching us remember? You told me 'He's just in heaven watching over us to make sure we're safe.' So, of course, he's watching!" Mom smiles and leans down kissing the top of my head. "That's right sweetheart, now let's get going! We're gonna be late!"

~End Of Flashback~

As I slowly drift back into reality I hear others talking in the cell block next to the kitchen. I put the strawberry heads into a compost basket and make my way back into the cell block. There I see Maggie and Glenn, who had just come back from their night watch duty, I also see Daryl leaving his cell and talking with who I think is Carol. Honestly, the hardest part of actually moving into the prison is having to learn a whole bunch of names. I sigh softly and make my way outside to the courtyard, where I see Rick talking to Hershal, I remember since it's kind of hard to forget the name of someone who only has one leg. I make my way out to the large field surrounding the prison. As I walk I look out to the forest surrounding us, and the undead wandering through the fields. I take a deep breath and sit at the edge of the fence, watching all the passing "walkers" as the people here call them. I stare watching them come up to the fence, wander the field outside of it, and emerge from the woods beyond.

I'm looking for something, anything, his jacket, his shirt, his necklace, anything to tell me that Josh had turned. With every passing walker I see that isn't him I feel my heart beat faster, when I first asked Rick if he knew what happened to my brother he said he didn't know, and even after I asked everyone in the prison no one seemed to remember him. This leads me to only one conclusion, he is either alive, or a walker, and I don't know which one I hope is true. While I want him to be alive, while I want to see Josh again and hug him and tell him I held on to hope, that I knew he was alive the whole time, the other part of me knew how disappointed he would be once he saw me with Rick's group. Because to Josh, they attacked us, and they came for us first, I don't know if I could handle that. I would rather him be dead than be disappointed and despise me. As I stare out to the seemingly endless forest I hear someone come up and take a seat next to me. I look over to see Patrick, looking out to the woods. I pull my eyes away from him and bring my knees up to my chest.

After a few minutes of silence, Patrick finally speaks. "Have you seen him yet?" I wait a moment then shake my head. "No, not yet." I hear Patrick sigh, then a moment later reaches out and puts his hand over mine. I look over slightly confused, Patrick was never one to physically comfort me or anyone for that matter, but I wasn't about to question it. I look back out to the forest, then close my eyes a rest my head on my knees. "I hope he's dead..." I hear Patrick turn his body to face me, "What? Gavin, what do you mean?" I could hear the shock in his voice. "I just," I pause for a moment, I can't tell Patrick the real reason why, that Josh would be mad, and disappointed and how it would hurt less if he were dead. "I just don't want him to suffer." I say lifting my head to look out at the field of zombies. Patrick gently squeezes my hand, looking back out to the field. We both sat in slightly uncomfortable silence, but it was still nice to feel his warm hand in mine.