Still Lost

Chapter 1: New Beginning

RILEY pov: March 23rd 2018. It's officially been 5 miserable years. 5 years of pure horror, depression and pain. No matter how much I can open up to somebody, they make it out to seem like it's my fault.

On the positive side of things I did get a softball scholarship. When I'm out on that mound I feel so much of my problems dissappear. But that's for a limited time. A part of me wants to find love again but there's also another part of me that just can't get attached right away.

The nightmares are still there. His presence is still there.  Even his damn scent is still there. I've come to grips that no matter how hard I can try, the pain won't escape. It will seriously take alot out of me to even look at a man the same again.

Softball has honestly became my true love. Being able to get out of the state of Ohio has been on my bucket list forever. Don't have to watch my mother pop pills. Don't have to see my abusive father. The only sad part of leaving is my 10 year old little brother. I love little kevin so much.

Kevin has grown up so much. I can tell he takes after me.

I knocked on the door and instantly

"RY RY!" he shouts and opens the door right away giving me a tight hug.
I wanted to cry. Knowing what I had to see growing up and just imagining what he's growing through. I feel like I'm gonna be his only go to person.  That is if I'm not already.

"What's up big man how have you been? How's mom?"

I happen to glance over to the living room and before he has a chance to answer I see her passed out with empty glasses of booze all around her. Typical of her doesn't surprise me.

"Mommy's okay she's been drinking alot"

"But I finally made good enough grades to make the little league baseball team RY! I can't wait"

His excitement is what gets me going. It lights me up inside that he found something he actually loves and gets to escape that hell hole of a house. 

"I'm proud of you boy. When I'm able to stay for a bit we're gonna do alot of training and I'll even take you out to a Cincinnati reds game!"

The look on his face was as just pure joy. I'd go through hell and back for that boy.

I couldn't just sit there and watch my own mother slobber over herself all boozed up. I wake her by shaking her leg and I ask her,

"Has kevin ate yet or his gonna starve tonight?"

She wakes up confused

"Oh my God ry when were you gonna tell me you were on your way back?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I get into college and now she's all proud of me. When I opened up about my situation she shrugs it off and doesn't believe anything. When I said I had a scholarship to Buffalo she acts negative and says it isn't a good idea. It's not a big enough college to start a career.

"I wanted it to be a surprise I guess. Do you want me to take kevin out to eat or what ma?"

"Up to you. I know you guys wanna spend some time while you're here"

My mother talking sense for once? Shocker I know. But I knew something was gonna come that's gonna just piss me off. As I get my car keys and ask kevin if he's ready she just has to ask,

"So Ry are you back into the dating scene yet or what?"

As much as I wanted to storm out of that door, little kevin was right there all dressed and ready to go.

"No mom I told you there's no timetable on when I wanna date again."

"We'll be back love you" I said to my mother

"Bye momma see you in a bit"

As I closed the door I think she had already passed out again. One thing I can't stand is a drunk or a pill addicted junkie. Nobody deserves to grow up around that. And I'll try my hardest to have him go through it.

Growing up there was a diner my dad took us out to before he decided to leave. Kevin always loved their chicken tenders. I could tell him we're going to hells kitchen and he would still rather go to that diner and have those tenders.

As we're eating I ask him.

"You know I'm always a phone call away if you need anything right booger?"

He nods his head yes.

He asks me. 

"How come you never call the house?"

"I just don't like talking to mom buddy. She's alot to handle sometimes. If I call it's probably to talk to you."

It kinda hit me when he asked that. I should definitely start calling to check up on him. I've just always been more of a physical lover. I like to show that I love you.

I pat his head and tell him

"I'll definitely start calling and checking up on you little man. And when I'm back we're gonna get the best seats to the Reds game."

Kevin gets out of the booth and hugs me tightly.

"You promise?"

"I promise bud anything for you"

As we finish eating I get a call. I answer and it's a voice recording from Buffalo University reminding students that the semester starts tomorrow. Just what I wanted to be reminded of.

Just as I pull in the driveway my is standing outside doing what she does best. Drinking it up. She walks up and hugs me

"You really have to leave ry?" "Sucks that you just got here"

"Yeah class starts 6:15 sharp I wanna get up early"

I give them a group hug and kiss goodbye and tell them I love them. Off to a new chapter.