Unburn These Ashes

reflection of you

SIMON

I picked up my water bottle and stared out the window, watching the rain beat down on the sidewalk below. The flat I was living in was high up, and that's one thing I never complained about. People below were always passing by. Laughing, crying, running away from something, tackling each other. I never knew exactly what was going on, but it was always fun making up stories.

Which is why it almost feels hypocritical to do.

People make up stories about me all of the time, and I know it. Everyone has always thought that the Chosen One would live a trophy life. With a perfectly perfect wife and two kids chasing each other around the perfect home in the country and a golden retriever that beckons to every desire. But that's not the case, because I knew all along that I was the worst Chosen One to ever have been chosen.

Now I'm sitting in my depressing flat in the middle of London with my equally depressed boyfriend on the couch, watching whatever is on the telly.

I feel as if he's been sleepwalking for the past year. I mean, I wouldn't put it past myself. I've done more without a thought in my seven and a half years at Watford than I have in the past year. Now that I think about it, I haven't really accomplished anything. Sure, I have Baz. But sometimes I don't think I can even say that anymore.

I can barely work up the courage to say goodnight to him anymore, let alone snog him as much as I did three years ago. When I was the hero. When I was finally free from The Mage, and all of the responsibility that comes with being The Mage's dog. When no one cared that I was dating a bloke. Because I saved the World of Mages. And then I faded into obscurity, and it was jarring - to say the least.

Maybe it would be better if Penny were still here. Maybe that's what caused it. She went to America with Shephard around the same time that I became depressed. Penny would never do that on purpose, sure, she's been my best friend since our first year at Watford and never left me even when we almost died a countless amount of times. But maybe that was the straw that broke the camels back, the ice-breaker. I can't blame her for leaving me, though. I'm a pretty boring guy. All I do is mope. But still. Penny deserves to be happy and she can't do that with the waves of depressiveness that I radiate.

I don't think Baz loves me anymore. I will always love him, of course, I'll never forget the fact that I love a literal vampire. I'll never get over his perfectly crafted cheekbones, stormy grey eyes, the way he talks, and the rare fluster that sometimes creeps out of his fair vampire skin. How much he loves his siblings. How he'd kiss me like it was the end of the world and clutch to me when we hugged like I was going somewhere. How we'd bicker like a married couple and laugh after. How he'd love me like I'd ever not love him back. Him. Always him.

I just can't seem to be brave enough to say something other than the robot-like small talk. I'm sure we look rough. I'm probably as pale as Baz at this point, I haven't seen the sun in ages. I probably would burst into uncontrollable sobs if I saw myself, anyway. It's not like I've properly taken care of myself for almost a year now.

I finally decide to stand up after staring out the window for what feels like forever. Baz turns to look at me. His eyes are blotchy with sadness and his eyes were stormy and dead. I walk past him and he slowly turns his head.

"Love," Baz says, making me jump.

BAZ

Simon hasn't been okay recently. Actually, he's been less than okay. I've tried to get him in to therapy about five months ago, but he wouldn't go for the life of him. He's just been moping around like some kind of dead person. (I would know. I'm actually dead.) He has to get better soon. It's like watching the love of your life die a slow and painful death right in front of your very eyes.