trigger warning : eating disorders, discussion of eating disorder symptoms (specifically anorexia nervosa)
-dear diary-
i hate eating food. i hate, hate, hate it. i do not like to eat food.
nothing is worse than eating. that disgusting feeling of food on my teeth, that disgusting noise.
i just need someone to save me. i truly need someone to save me. i need someone. i need someone. i need analise back.
"¡hola! ¿como estas, marco?¿que pasa?" was all that i could say. it was the only thing my dried-up brain could produce. it was the only thing.
my speech is infantile half of the time and it seems as though my mind is shrinking faster than my body. my body is still as big as it has always been, and i feel like not a single soul could love me. not even marco. not even my loving boyfriend could love me. because i am me and he is him.
i feel so vulnerable all of the time. i think that i could be persuaded into joining a cult at this point, that's how awful my mental state is. i'm typically extremely strong-headed, but not anymore. i am nothing like i use to be.
i am nothing like i use to be.
-juliana-
