My daughter falls and cries alot. Not the whole falling part, but the whole crying part. My daughter is really sensitive with the way she feels and it reminds me alot of myself when i was growing up. Except i wasnt allowed to cry so freely as i allow my daughter to. My mother was really big on tough love, and thats pretty much all i received as a child. As a tender helpless little thing. I remember getting hurt and not being able to come home crying about it because my mother would then punish me or not allow me to go outside anymore. So i learned to swallow pain. There was this one time i was running around my complex and fell down some stairs. Like i literally fell down the stairs and i scraped my knee so badly i still have the scar till this day, and i remember not even feeling the pain as much but mostly worrying on how noticeable it was in case my mother caught a glimpse of it while i was showering or wearing shorts. I remember crying for a brief moment and then going back to running because i simply had to play it off by the time my mom called for me to go inside. And since playing was such a limited thing in my life i did almost anything i could just to go out and play with my neighborhood friends. The pain. I learned to mask it. So when my daughter comes up to me crying like if her whole leg is missing or if her whole arm was just yanked off because she fell, it brings me back to a moment where all i wanted was some comfort. Where all i needed was a little bit of tenderness. So i give that to my daughter, without allowing her to spill so much emotions all at once. I start off small. "Mamita" i call her. "Mamita. What happened?" and my daughter is just trying to talk through the tears and i honestly dont understand her gibberish which is really embarrassing to say as a parent because we all understand our babies babbling. "Mami, i know youre hurting right now, but i dont know what youre saying and i cant help you unless you relax a little bit and tell me what exactly happened mami." such calming words to show my daughter that im truly there for her. That i am in the moment with her. Side note: i dont know which parent is okay with watching their children cry, as a parent, no, as a mother you want to desperately stop them from feeling any pain. Like i wish i could turn into a sponge and just absorb all their pain, or sadness, or anger. Even loneliness. So anyways, my daughter hears these words, understands my tone and ultimately calms herself even to tell me how she hurt herself. And what mostly hurts them is the fear. What i call the shock and scare. Shocked that it happened to them and scared that nobody was around to save and prevent such accident. Which brings me to my next truth. ACCIDENTS HAPPEN. When you are in full blown parent mode you can get distracted by the daily tasks of cooking or even cleaning to the point where one of your children decide to do something solely because they know youre distracted. And just like how we want to know everything, we cant always be everywhere. So dont feel bad when your kid launches themselves off the couch and fall on the floor and end up really hurt. There is no better teacher than experience. Which os why you should always give them room to make mistakes. To disobey and get a chance to grasp the concept of consequences, repercussions. Most parents spend their time threatening their kids. "You better not, or i will-" and that doesnt teach them anything other than the fact that they have an impatient mother who would rather take away their chance in learning. Now you might not agree, you might be thinking, so we are just gonna let them do whatever they want for the sake of gaining experience. No thats not what im trying to say or teach. Obviously you get to decide when its a learning and teaching moment. For instance when they are in school. Or out with their friends. You want them to know how to conduct themselves accordingly especially when youre not around, but most importantly you always want them safe. Remember what i told you about fear? Its in these moments when the fear of something really bad happening to them occurs that gives you the whole threatening scenario. Not only do you fear something horribly wrong can happen, but you also fear that you child isnt respecting your boundaries. And boundaries are important. It shows you how far you can bend the bar before it actually breaks. Which leads you to the consequences. My second born is really good when it comes to falling and getting back up. My second born would scrape her knee, hit her jaw on a concrete floor, and cry a bit and then go right back to doing whatever it was that she was doing. After my consolation that is. I have to let them know that even though i told them not to, they did it anyways, im still there for them. Not because they did it after i told them not to "thats what they get" that builds a bridge between you and your child. You and your childs trust. And the most important thing you can have or build with your child is exactly that, Trust. Once that is out the window, youre working on hollow grounds there my friend. And no foundation is solid on shallow means. My mother used to fear so many things that i was not allowed to do almost anything. And everything i did was always on a limit. So I inevitably hated being the only one having a curfew or rules to abide by. I used to always over do it and get in trouble and be grounded for weeks at a time. But to me it was worth it. Worth not following these "dumb" rules my mother had set for me.
