*Famous*

A Lot On My Mind

"Being pregnant is a big responsibility and it isn't something that should be taken lightly. I honestly think it's very idiotic of them to ask this of you," he told me.

"How so," I asked him. I wasn't too sure what he was getting at.

"Well, you're quite famous right now and you're definitely in no place to bring a child into the world. That would be two lives in danger. It would be fine if it was your own child because that would be your decision to make, but this is another couple's child. I'd think of it as their ONLY chance at having a family and you'd be putting it in unnecessary danger. I'm not saying you should put your career first but again, this wouldn't be your child you'd be sacrificing your life and job for. It's a lot to think about sure, but honestly, they could find someone else to be their surrogate. It's really selfish of them to even put you in this predicament," Jaxon said, looking out at the scenery.

I understood what he meant and he was right. I was more than willing to sacrifice my career for a child, but I would want that child to be mine. I wouldn't be happy with myself, if I gave up everything to make Mia happy. She'd always been so selfish and I'd always accepted that about her, but I was going to have to turn her down and hope she understood.

 "Thanks, Jaxon. I'm glad you talked some sense into me. I wouldn't have been happy if I'd said yes to her and gave up my life for their child," I told him.

"So, you're going to say no?" We both turned to see Caleb and Mia standing at the patio doors. I sighed. I hadn't want them to find out right away.

"I'm sorry, you guys. I'd do anything to help you, you know that. But if I were to go through with this, there'd be no way I'd just give up my career for a kid that isn't my own. I would keep going on tour and keep singing and maybe even acting. That it isn't any place for an unborn child. Besides with the uncertainty of my safety, I wouldn't be able to guarantee your child would be completely safe. I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to your baby because of a crazy fan turned stalker," I told them.

"Well, there you have it, love. The selfish singer, Venus, who couldn't give a rat's ass about her hometown chum," Mia said bitterly.

"Mia--," Caleb started, but I cut him off.

"No, you're right. I'm so damn selfish, Mia. I'm so selfish that I wouldn't think twice about asking you to give up your career, the way you earn a living, just for me to have a family. I wouldn't even consider other options such as adoption or better yet, someone who doesn't have a career and nothing better to do with their life. Nope, not me. I'd much rather guilt my supposed best friend into doing things for me because everything revolves around me," I told her, just as bitterly. "No, I've never put anyone before myself. Not once."

"Raven, I didn't--," Mia started.

"I know exactly what you meant. You what's so funny, Mia? While I may have a thriving career and it would seem like my life's perfect, it isn't. I have a psycho fan that tried to kill me, my bodyguard ditched me, I'm living in a hotel, I brought a date, no wait, two and neither one cares enough to spend time with me, and I've been pining for someone who can't make up his damn mind about what he wants. I've spent years, trying to find the right guy and couldn't. You found the perfect guy and even that isn't enough for you. I'd give up everything to have what you have with Caleb. That love, that makes single people want to vomit when they're around you, is what true happiness is and I don't have that. But did you know any of this? No. Why? Because you're too busy with your own life and your own problems," I told her and went to walk back inside.

Jaxon grabbed my hand, but I pulled it away from him. My feelings for him were completely jumbled and confusing. I wanted to hate him, but then he'd make me change my mind. It was an endless cycle and I was sick of it. I needed to do something to get my mind off of everything, I needed to go for a walk. I had to get out of this suffocating house. Funny because a spacious house, like this, was suffocating to me. I changed clothes and put on some sneakers. I couldn't very well go walking around in high heels.