Jelix

Not Alone

"O-okay" Sean said. I tossed out Edgar's empty cup and started walking down the pathway with Sean not too far behind.

-

"Hey, are you feeling okay?" Sean asked me after we made it back to the house.

"Yeah" I said slipping my shoes off. I haven't looked at him the whole way here. Not since I so stupidly almost kissed him. What is wrong with me? It's like I wanted to lose my best friend. "I'm fine. I'm just tired" I said. It was only half a lie. I was pretty tired. "I'm gonna go take a nap. Feel free to do whatever". I said heading to my room.

I shut the door quietly behind me and flopped down on my bed. At least my bed was actually comfortable now, thanks to Sean. He's such an amazing friend. God I hope I never lose him. I hope I can get over this stupid crush...
I hug my fawn plushie close to me and slowly drift off to sleep.

I woke up a few hours later after, unfortunately, having another stupid nightmare. They've been happening more and more lately. In this one I was alone. Just sitting in a cold dark room and crying. It felt as though the dream was still clinging to me when I woke up. Until I realized that I was actually cold and pulled a soft blanket over my shoulders.
I looked over to my nightstand and caught sight of my phone. Perhaps it was time I finally turned it on. I hooked it up to the charger and held the power button down until it buzzed and the screen lit up.
Within minutes it was going off almost non stop trying to catch up to all the notifications. There were dozens of missed calls and texts. Most of them from Sean. A pit of guilt settled in my stomach. My friends must have been worried sick. How could I be so careless and stupid to think otherwise?

One notification in particular made my heart skip a beat. A missed call from my Dad. I hadn't heard from him in ages...
I stared at my screen for what had to be at least five minutes. Finally, I decided to call him back.
It only rang twice before there was an answer.

"Felix?" My Fathers voice spoke.

I swallowed, trying to get rid of the dryness scratching up my throat. "Hi Dad" I said in an almost whisper.

"It's about time you reached out. Was starting to think you weren't alive" he said.

"Y-yeah, I um...I'm sorry Dad" I replied. "I've just been...real busy".

"With what? No one's heard from you Felix. You disappeared off the face of the earth without a word. What could possibly be so important that you couldn't talk to your own family?"

I had to hold myself back from asking if he was serious. It's not like he had been the best at reaching out either. Even before I "disappeared". I've always been the one to text or call first. Funnily enough, my family only started to become "friendlier" towards me after hearing about how much money I make off of YouTube.

"Well, to be honest Dad I haven't been doing well" I admitted.

"What do you mean, you're sick?" He asked.

"No, I mean...mentally" I said already knowing I would regret it. My Dads never been the understanding type when it came to mental health.

"Oh good lord" I heard him mumble not so quietly to himself. "Felix you need to get over yourself already. You're a grown man. Go outside and stop being so down about yourself. What could you possibly be sad about? Think about everything you have. Maybe get a girlfriend. Its about time you starts settling down anyhow. Know any girl you're into?"

"No" I muttered.

"Nonese, there's got to be someone. What about that Mariza girl?"

"No, Dad" I said gradually getting more frustrated with him. "I'm not into any girl. I'm not into girls at all, you know that".

"Stop talking right now!" my Dad shouted. "I'm not arguing about this with you again! Get that gay shit out of your head, you hear me?! Enough of this bull shit you've created just to spite me! I don't know what I did to make you turn against us all but it ends now! If you continue with this life choice I will have no option but to cut you out from family all together until you clean up your act!"

"FINE!" I snapped. "CUT ME OUT THEN, SEE IF I FUCKING CARE!" I hung up immediately after and threw my phone onto the bed so hard it bounced off the edge and hit the floor. I hit the wall behind me with the side of my fist hard enough to hurt. I pulled my knees to my chest as I broke down into sobs. Just when I thought I had a chance to reconnect with my Dad, I lose my whole family instead. Not a single one of them will want anything to do with me after that.
Not that they wanted much anyway ever since I came out as gay to all of them. My cries grew louder when I realized my nightmares were coming true. I really was becoming more alone.

There was a knock on my bedroom door just then.
"Felix?" Sean's voice spoke. "You okay buddy?"

I sniffled and wiped away the stray tears off my face only for more to replace them. "No" I admitted.

The door opened and Sean quickly came to my side. He sat on the bed beside me and rubbed my back. "What's going on Fee?" He whispered.

I buried my face in his chest and clung to his sweaters "My family hates me" I cried. "They hate me because...I'm gay. And I don't know how to change their minds".

"Oh Fee" Sean said hugging me tight. "I'm so sorry. Family shouldn't shut you out for something like that".

"I just wish I wasn't like this" I whispered.

"Hey" he said placing a hand over my cheek as he hugged me close to his chest. "There is nothing wrong with you, Felix. It's okay to be who you are. And...if It makes you feel any less alone...I'm bisexual".

I looked up at him in surprise. "You are?"

He smiled and nodded. "I'm sorry your family doesn't accept you. But you've got me. And I'm not going anywhere".

I smiled through my tears and hugged the life out of him. "Thank you Sean. Thank you so much".

Sean hummed and hugged me back. "Anytime Fee".

To be continued!