fingers crossed

lost in the world

*we know kanye is controversial and we don't support him but LOVE bon iver*

DIANNE'S POV

I sheepishly walk through the offices alone to have my usual meeting with Jack about the concept for our salsa, and as I peak through the door I am greeted by a room of stern faces. It was worse than I thought this telling-off was going to be because they didn't even threaten my career, just attacked our relationship. They started comparing Joe and I to the tabloids' fake dramas, one of them even said that they've been allowing us to have our fun because it's been drawing in votes. This made me feel a bit ill, as if they're trivialising everything between us to a marketing strategy, and I suddenly feel like the most vulnerable part of me is on display for the whole world to see. They end the conversation with the threat of miscounting our votes and I am sent on my way, but I only make it around the corner to the nearest room to crumple to the floor and release the hot tears that had been forming for quite some time.

I decide to keep this meeting to myself- just for the week since hiding this from Joe didn't end well last time, but I just don't want to ruin the fun he's been having with Neil and Johannes in rehearsals for musicals week, seeing him so happy with people I care about just warms my heart. The week was pretty intense, we had 13 hour days which were partly joined by Trent overseeing his choreography and the boys dancing with us, but we still managed to have lots of fun, despite me losing quite a lot of sleep which I try to keep to myself.

*

I accompanied Joe to the children's BAFTAs, which was incredible to see him acting all professional. We got to spend the night with the adorable Ranj along with his lovely boyfriend which made it all the more exciting when he won his award (go Ranj!). 

JOE'S POV

Towards the end of the night Dianne starts to notice I can't stop smiling when I look at her and calls me out on it, I admit that I can't really help it, I'm just really content with being with her. This makes her blush but then suddenly start to change her expression, I can't really work it out (is it regret? guilt? disappointment?) but either way it seems to be bad. I try to push it to the back of my mind and just take her hand to guide me through the last of the evening.

*

The next morning I wake up with my mind clouded by this, so I head downstairs to start busying myself. I start reflecting on the week and kicking myself for not picking up on warning signals earlier, Dianne had been so exhausted, hardly able to eat or sleep and she kept getting dizzy during rehearsals. There was even one day when she looked so pale that I was prepared for it when she closed her eyes and started fainting. I had just assumed she had maybe gotten whatever sickness I had last week so I just carried her to a chair and stroked her neck until it passed. Now it's so clear there was something weighing on her.

I make Dianne a coffee when I hear her begin to shuffle upstairs so she can come join me under a blanket next to the window when she comes down. We sit intertwined in silence for a bit, her face buried in my neck as we enjoyed the heat of each other's bodies. Eventually I ruin this perfect moment by approaching the topic of what will happen to us after Strictly, and suddenly I hear the imaginary glass shatter as Dianne states the obvious, she's heading straight to Australia.

DIANNE'S POV

Seeing Joe's reaction makes my heart drop a bit because it reminds me of how he responded last time I had to break bad news to him about us, so this time I do my best to make my feelings clear.

 'Joe, if we make it to the finals then that might be the last time for a while we really get to be together, cos we're both going to be busy- but I've been thinking about it a lot recently and I don't think that I can keep things as casual any more.'

he doesn't say anything but still looks kind of worried so I continue:

'because I've realised I really do care about you a lot and I thought we could maybe keep seeing each other, like officially, I mean-'

I'm starting to ramble and I can't really stop what comes out next

'like more seriously because I truly can't imagine going back to my life without you I think I might be in love with you.'

silence. It starts to feel like forever before his tears start to form and I cradle his head against my chest. I join him and start softly sobbing as I explain what happened with the strictly execs and we both comfort each other for a while, ignoring the fact that we are going to be late for rehearsals.

Joe starts expressing his feelings for me which takes me aback because it seems to be something he has thought about a lot. He really cares about me and says he's been worried about the future and what we would do when we go back to our lives, which I have to admit has been worrying me a lot recently, and it's so good to hear him say. We start to make as many plans as possible, not only up to the final but in the future after that, we plan how we want to relax after the show, New Years, holidays and we even get hopeful enough that our popularity will let us go on the live tour together.

Feeling far more hopeful we sit grinning and I sink down so Joe can press his lips into my head and say softly

and I love you too, by the way